My 2nd Weigh In

Here is my updated ticker:





I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I should be thrilled, but I'm not. I was hoping for 2.2, so I could hit 10 pounds gone, but no, a measly 1.2. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but it's hard not to. To be as big as I am, still have 100 pounds to lose, and only in my 2nd week, I expected more, especially after a perfect week.

I know, I know...working for Thrive I was a cheerleader for those who had losses like this and were still disappointed. I know all the mantras of "any loss is a good loss!" and "it could have been worse!" and "wow, but that's over a pound!" But right now I don't really care, lol! I'm just irritated.

Bah, humbug. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

My "Why"

Thrive wants you to dig deep and come up with your "Why"...why you want to lose weight. I am going to share here what I put in my journal about why I want to lose. It may be repetative from my 100 Reasons, but these are the ones that came to my mind.

~~
I am tired of seeing rolls of fat in the mirror. I want to feel good about all of me. I want to wear a bathing suit. I want to shop off the rack at a regular size store. I want to fit in all booths. I want to keep my kids from getting fat. I want my husband and kids to be proud of me. I want to see my grandkids. I want to live a long, happy, healthy life with Sam.
~~

Of course there are more than this, but this is what came to mind when I was writing. I have since, though, came up with something else that, as small a thing as it may seem, seems huge to me:

I want to know what my face looks like.

I know what I looked like as a child. I know what I looked like as a teenager. But I have been fat as long as I've been an adult. I see bits and pieces of myself...my eyes, my lips, my nose, but it is all surrounded by fat! I don't even know what my true face shape is without all the fat. I have always assumed (and been told) that I have a round face...but is it round without the fat? Who knows, I may have a completely different shaped face under all this! I like the pieces of my face that I am able to focus on, but I would so love to see what I look like, as a whole, minus the fat. I have always been told I have a "pretty" face...who knows, maybe I really do!

I am going to pull out some old pictures where my face isn't puffy fat and put them on the fridge ~ just to remind me of this goal!

nothing important...

First of all, I realize I made a typo...I actually lost 7.8 pounds last week, not 7.6, LOL! But who's counting? ;)

Today is my Biggest Loser weigh in! As crazy as it sounds, I am scared to death I'm going to step on the scale and it's going to show I've lost nothing, even though I know I have! I would so love to be down even another pound, but I'm not counting on it! The BL competition is based on % of weight lost...this week, both me and my sister (Deathmetalmommy) lost 3% of our body weight. 3%!! That is a seriously measurable percentage of fat, GONE! Neither of us may win this competition, but we plan to give them a run for their money! :) I am so thankful that my friend invited me to join them in their competition...don't know if you read this or not, but thank you, TW! It is giving me so much motivation to keep going...and now that we made it through the first week, we only have what, 23 to go? LOL!

I am so determined to get this weight off! There is so many motivations for me right now, I would be crazy not to take advantage of it! In the next 6 months, I want to get 40 pounds off. To weigh as much as I do, this is very much a do-able goal...and I will be thrilled at anything above and beyond that!

So far, 2010 has helped me to take control of a lot of things that have spiraled out of control the past few years, from my weight to my house cleaning. I have always been an extraordinarily messy person. A packrat. Lazy. There are lots of names for it, and they are all me! I feel as if I should confess something here...though maybe "confess" is not the right word. Maybe "admit" is. After a lot of research and talking to my dr, I have been diagnosed with ADD. Getting on the correct medication for this has changed my life! I am able to pay attention to things, I am able to think about things before I do them, I am able to follow directions to do things...and this is what has helped me in getting my house in order. For the first time in the 11 1/2 years we have lived here, our 3rd bedroom is a 3rd bedroom and not a junkroom! My house is clean! It's like I am crawling out from under the rock I have lived under for so long and starting to live again!

2010 is going to be awesome!

End of 1st week ~ WI #1

Drum roll please...

I lost...


7.6 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY ME!

I am beyond thrilled. Well on my way to my goal...I lost 3% of my body weight this week. That is freakin AWESOME!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

I have posted this twice now, but I need to see it every so often to help keep me motivated...I hope it will help anyone who is reading this, who may also need motivation.

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.
97. To wear low waisted jeans.
96. To go jogging with my boys.
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.
87. So I don't get diabetes.
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.
81. So people will want to take my picture.
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!
16. To finally wear shorts again.
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.
3. I want to grow old with my husband.
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Me - Day 4!

So glad I pushed through the withdrawal symptoms! Got through the headaches, body aches and cravings and am feeling so good now! :) I am on day 4 of my "New Me" journey and have had 3 perfect days so far! I know, 3 days is nothing, but in my mind, it is a PERFECT year so far ~ and it don't get any better than that!

On Saturday, my sister (Deathmetalmommy ~ see her blog in a link to the right) and I went to the first weigh in for the "Biggest Loser" competition that we are joining. It is $25 per person, and lasts for 6 months. The first week of June, the person who has lost the largest percentage of weight (like they do on the BL show), will win the pot ~ which looks to be around $500! I talked to Sam about it and he agreed that if I can win it, we will take it and immediately turn around and book a cruise for 2 to the Bahamas. We have never cruised, nor have we ever been away from all 3 kids, so this is huge for us! This now has him excited about the competition too...he is all about working out and trying to help me any way he can. This is going to help so much!

My only slight temptation was this morning, when I got up and fixed a big breakfast for my hubby and our good friend who was visiting from Ohio...they were both heading out to work and it was 17 degrees, so they needed it, lol! I was tempted by my homemade biscuits...I can throw down some homemade biscuits, lol...but I chewed my sugar free gum, got through it, and sat down with them with my bottle of water and my own breakfast and just enjoyed the company ~ something I don't usually do when eating. It's usually about shoveling down the food and (embarrassing to admit) making sure that I got the amount of food I wanted.

Hopefully we will make it to the YMCA tonight to start 5k training. Oh, stepped on my scale this morning and look down about 5-6 pounds from the 1st. Yes, it's water, but it's water I wouldn't have lost had I not changed my way of eating ~ I would, no doubt, already be up another pound or two. That scale is moving the right direction, and I plan to keep it that way!

It's going to be a great day!

Day 2

(originally written on Jan 2nd)

Wow, what a difference a day makes!

Yesterday was day 1, I was motivated, energetic and feeling great! Got through the day with no problem, even got my water in, which is no small feat for me. Fast forward to today and I feel like I ran head first into a brick wall...literally! I forgot how hard sugar withdrawal hits me...it will feel like this for several days. I guess it could also be some caffeine withdrawal...so I'll have to find a diet mountain dew today. When I start having withdrawal symptoms in just 24 hours, it shows me how much sugar I was eating in the first place.

Today I get to go for our first weigh in of the Biggest Loser competition I was invited to join. It's a big group of local women who are committing to a 6 month competition. We are putting in $25 each and weighing in once a month...the one who has lost the biggest percentage of weight in June will win the pot. I am so excited about this...I think it will definitely help me out with staying motivated. Plus, the once a month weigh ins will show great losses, which will feel great, even though I will still have my regular weekly weigh-ins too.

I'm off to take some ibuprofen, get dressed, drink a bottle of water and get some clothes and maternity stuff put on ebay. Here's hoping for a great rest-of-the-day!