tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2290093677032142492024-03-13T13:20:32.758-07:00Fat Chick to Hot Chick!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-63231485212129334462014-04-07T11:04:00.001-07:002014-04-07T11:07:08.472-07:00What an amazing journey!What a difference a few weeks can make! Not only in a person physically, but in a person mentally and emotionally. <br />
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Just reading about how I felt following that first workout almost brings me to tears now, 12 weeks later. I was so unhappy and scared. Even in my last post, I was still scared. You know what though? I'm not scared anymore. In the last 12 weeks, my body has been through so much. Bear crawls, flipping 220 pound tires, jogging laps carrying smaller tires, completing a 5k, actually jogging my first entire mile (actually 1.25 miles, and YES, you better believe I'm counting!), burpees, running the hills around the clock tower, pushups, blood & guts, and so many more things that I can't even remember to list. It has been the most unbelievably hard 12 weeks of my life, physically. But you know what? I got through it. Not only did I get through it, I ENJOYED it. Yes, I can honestly say that I am looking back over my last 12 weeks in EFM with a huge smile, and maybe even a tear at the thought of it ending.<br />
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I have learned so much more than just how to perform exercises over this past 3 months. I have learned that no matter what you throw at me, no matter how hard it is, I CAN DO IT. There is nothing that this body can't do. And here is where the biggest lesson has come into play. Can I do things faster than you? Probably not. Will I finish first? I can pretty much guarantee that's a no. But IT DOESN'T MATTER! That's right. I'm not competing against Sam or Shayna or Cindy or any of the others. I'm only competing against myself! Is it fun finishing after everyone else? No, but I've also learned that it's not nearly as big a deal as I thought it was to start with. I know that I am doing it correctly, I am not cheating on my number of reps, and I'm doing it better than I did yesterday. And THAT'S what matters. I would far rather be finishing last, knowing that I've done my workout than finishing before others, knowing that I skipped a few reps here and there. The fear that I felt before workouts fell by the wayside once I realized that there really wasn't anything else that they could throw at me that they hadn't already. No matter what it is, it's do-able. It may not be done fast and it may not be look pretty, but by God I CAN DO IT!<br />
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Our videographer asked last week if we are happy with where are in our journey. I had to tell him that I had a split answer. When I was chosen, on the one hand, I was so excited and hoped to have lost a ton of weight at the end of 12 weeks and look healthy/skinny, even though I knew it wasn't going to happen in just 12 weeks. On the other hand, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up and that I wouldn't lose weight at all. Being where I am now, smaller and stronger than I've ever been in my adult life, I can't help but be so proud...but no matter where you are, there's always that little voice reminding you that you could've done better. I'm getting better at shutting that voice up though. ;)<br />
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Our finale is in about 10 days. We get to dress up and show everyone how much our bodies have changed. I have to say that I'm really excited about that. As a stay at home mom and substitute teacher, dressing up is not something I get to do often. I'm excited to see what size I fit into now. I've officially lost 26 pounds, 4% body fat and 30-something inches. That was as of our last weigh in. I saw my dr last week and he said I weigh less than I have in the 16 years that I've been seeing him. It's nice to be congratulated for my weight!<br />
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As much weight as I have lost, I have gained so much more! I have gained a new amazing family of teammates and trainers...people who believe in me! And that's such a fantastic feeling. I have gained the knowledge that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I have gained self-confidence, something that I have always been seriously lacking. I have gained the knowledge to train my body to do what I want it to do. I know now that my body is a lot stronger than my mind ever imagined, and that's a pretty cool thing to realize.<br />
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It makes me sad to read my first post about EFM, because I realize just how scared and weak I felt then. But I hope that when they choose the EFM contestants next year and they go through their first day, come home in tears feeling like a failure, they will search for previous contestants and they will see what I wrote about MY first night. And that they will then read this and see that it WILL get better. Next year, Sam and I both hope to be back volunteering with EFM, helping 10 new people get their lives back. Because that's what EFM has done for us...it gave us our lives back! chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-38528559583628362272014-02-03T08:22:00.001-08:002014-02-03T08:22:09.140-08:003 weeks down, the rest of my life to go!Yes, we have finished three weeks of EFM. Sort of. I say sort of because we only went two days in week three because of snow, so those other days are being tacked on at the end, but that's all good. And yes, expect this blog to be very wordy, because there's a lot to be said about the last 3 weeks. :) <br />
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I know I said I was going to update on a regular basis here on my blog, but honestly I haven't had the time. It's been super stressful around here lately, though I guess that can be said for anyone, anywhere.<br />
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I'm sure you are curious as to whether my opinion of the EFM has changed. Well, yes and no. Is it still hard? Oh hell yeah. We still go from the minute we walk in the gym until the hour (and sometimes more) is over. I still struggle with doing the bear crawl. I must brag that just two short weeks after the terrible experience I described in my last blog entry, I completed 6 bear crawls, each the length of the one I struggled with so terribly. It took me longer than everyone else in the gym, I struggled more with it than everyone else in the gym, but you know what? I DID IT. While I was doing it, I was feeling terrible, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well, wondering why I couldn't do what everyone else seemed to find so easy. I felt like the weak link of a chain that is getting stronger by the day. But then you know what? When my husband and Brian got down on all 4's on either side of me to finish my last one with me, and as my friends cheered for me as I finished with that last crawl, I realized that I was thinking about it all wrong. Yes, I struggle with bear crawl. But you know what? Sam struggles with hip thrusts while balancing his feet on a medicine ball. And every single other person in that gym struggles with something too. And when they are taking longer than the rest of us, or struggling to get their last few reps, I don't look at them with disdain and think how weak they are...I look at them with awe and respect and love and think of how freakin proud I am of them for pushing through and getting it done! I cheer them on to finish what they are doing, and then celebrate with them when they are finished. <br />
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The workouts are every bit as hard as they were the first day. But as each day passes, we are all getting a little stronger. We find ourselves smiling some during workouts. Laughing, even. And where the first week, as soon as we were done we all headed for our cars to recover, we have noticed that the recovery doesn't take as long, and we hang around and talk and discuss the evening.<br />
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The worst part of workouts (at least what I think of as the worst as I sit here in my warm chair cuddled up with my laptop, LOL), is the fact that they are being recorded. Videoed. Not even sure of the right word to use anymore! Yes, we have a cameraman in our faces, recording every second of our misery. Well, not every second, but several nights a week anyway. I was scared to death to watch the video from the first week. Because I knew he was in my face as I struggled with that bear crawl. But I watched it. And it made me cry. And it made me mad. And I wished I hadn't watched it.<br />
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Last night I watched the video from Week 2 and the one from Week 3. And it made me sit back and really look at what I have accomplished the last few weeks. The first week video made me ashamed and embarrassed...not only to be struggling so mightily, but to have gotten into the shape that I was in that made it necessary to be there on camera. The second and third videos were different though. Was I still embarrassed? Sure. But I knew I would still be fat...that doesn't change in three weeks time. And I still struggle every night with workouts. That probably won't every change. But I see the person in the newer videos differently. I see a determination that wasn't there in the first video. In the first video I looked lost, scared and uncertain. In the newer videos, I look like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and that I know that and am fine with it. And this is really how I feel.<br />
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I haven't mentioned much about my team, because I don't know that they would want me to go into much detail about them. But I do want to say that they are the most amazing group of people that I have ever had the privilege of getting to know. From watching previous seasons of EFM videos, I knew that we would become friends. I had no idea just how close we would get, and how fast it would happen. I truly love, admire and respect every single one of these people. We are all so different, and yet we were brought together by the one thing that we all have in common ~ our weight/health. And now we have two things in common...our weight/health and the fact that we are working our tails off to improve our weight/health! <br />
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And I figure I will end by sharing how our first weigh in/body fat/measurements went. In 3 weeks, I lost 10 pounds, 2.1% body fat and 16.75 inches! Sam lost 21 pounds (OMG!), 1.2% body fat and 14.75 inches! It's an amazing achievement, and while I can't yet see a difference in myself, the difference in Sam and in my teammates is astounding, and I am so excited to continue to see these changes in everyone.<br />
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And like my post title said...we have 3 weeks down, and the rest of our lives to go!!!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-14778226801976601522014-01-14T10:51:00.002-08:002014-01-14T10:51:24.345-08:00Extreme Fitness Makeover 2014 ~ Day 1<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
If you look back, you will see that my last post was over a year ago, and it was about a contest that I entered called the "Extreme Fitness Makeover." Well, my husband and I both made it to the interview session of that, but neither was chosen. </div>
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Fast forward one year, and we applied again. Knowing good and well that we wouldn't get chosen, but not being able to come up with any good reason NOT to apply. We were called in for interviews again. And unlike last year, this year, they chose both of us! We are the first married couple to compete in the Extreme Fitness Makeover. </div>
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We are required to blog about our experiences on the EFM FB page, and I will gladly do that. However, as my past blog posts will show, I am very wordy. I like to express myself. Because of that, I am going to blog here about my experiences as well, and document them as detailed as possible so that I can come back and read about what we were going through once the 12 weeks is over.</div>
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We went in on Sunday to have our "before" pictures taken and for them to do our beginning weights and measurements. That was painful. Seriously. Painful. </div>
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Or so we thought.</div>
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Ya know, we knew it wasn't going to be easy. That's a given. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, we would all be thin and healthy and there would be no reason for contests like "The Biggest Loser" and our "Extreme Fitness Makeover." </div>
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But holy guacamole folks...never could I have expected last night. So here it is. In detail. If you are in shape, you may laugh at this. Just remember, this is a group of 10 obese, completely out of shape (I'm talking can't go up a flight of stairs without needing oxygen) people. (Some of us are old too, which doesn't help, LOL!)</div>
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We get there and are told to just walk the length of the gym warehouse to warm up. It's maybe 75 yards, no big deal. We walk it half a dozen times or so. Then the trainers came in and had us run the length of the warehouse and come back to the middle...ok. They immediately took us into jumping jacks. Real jumping jacks with hand claps in the middle. It was about this time that I looked at Sam and thought "what in the hell have I gotten myself into? I can't get through the warm up!" Went from jumping jacks into squats and lunges.</div>
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They then informed us that we are going to do a "Fit Test" that we will repeat in our 12th week to show how far we have come. It is a list of exercises and we were to do each one for one minute each and record our reps. </div>
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Here is a list of the exercises (though I don't remember the order they were in):</div>
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body weight squats</div>
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medicine ball slams</div>
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bicep curls</div>
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push ups</div>
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medicine ball crunches</div>
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tricep presses</div>
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medicine ball twists</div>
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steps (on step from step aerobics)</div>
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So they showed us the exercise and then timed us for a minute on each one. We then had a short break while we wrote down our number of reps and got ready to go on the next one. After we finished all of them ~ and was feeling really proud of ourselves I might add ~ they announced that it was time to do it for real...and we had to do a minute of each with a 15 second recovery in between (which was barely enough time to write down our reps). By the end of this most of us couldn't breathe and a few were gagging a little into their puke bucket (they oh so generously provided us each one with our names on it).</div>
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While we were thinking our hour must almost be over and, if not, then it must be time for a short break, they were telling us what station we were headed to next and to HUSTLE. So off we go to 4 more stations: up and down stairs, flipping the ropes (don't know the official name of this), blood and guts and pushing the heavy dummies up and down the warehouse floor.</div>
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It was after I finished this circuit that I found myself unable to breath. Probably because I was hyperventilating. So one of the EMT's had to come help me calm my breathing down. As I was doing this, everyone else was on all 4's doing a bear crawl across the floor. By the time I got to the floor, they were finished and on the other side of the room. I got down to get started and couldn't do it. I could go one or two movements but then my body would just give up. Seeing my struggle, two amazing ladies (one trainer, Tracy, one there for support, Amanda, and both of whom have been through EFM before) got on either side of me and started talking me through it. Having me go just 5 hand movements at a time. And I know that everyone says that it's your brain that gives out, not your body, but it damn sure felt like it was my body refusing to go any further. At one point, Tracy looked at me with tears rolling down her face and told me that she knows how it feels. She's been there. And that's what helped me get to the end of the bear crawl. Was it easy? Not one second of it. Did I finish it? Yes, finally. Was I proud? No, but I should've been. Instead I was embarrassed and ashamed that everyone else had done it without the struggle that I had. </div>
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It was at this point (as I'm laid out in the floor beside a few other people) that our hour had come to an end. I'm still not sure how that 8 hours of torture all managed to take place in the span of only one hour. But it was finally over. </div>
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Sam and I were walking out and it was cold and raining, but I don't know that it even registered with either of us. As he walked ahead of me to the car I remember yelling at him "if I ever come up with an insane idea like this again, please just tell me to kiss your ass and remind me of how we feel right now!" And then as I followed Sam to the car I started crying. I don't know why I was crying, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't tears of pain (because I was numb by that time). Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was relief that it was over. Maybe it was how overwhelming the workout had been. Maybe I was just furious with myself that I was in this situation in the first place. I don't know. But for the rest of the night, anytime I tried to talk about it, I cried. It was so emotional, and yet I don't understand why just yet.</div>
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After everyone got home, we all started posting on FB about the experience. My husband and several other contestants were so upbeat and posting things like "We got this!" and "Can't wait til tomorrow night!" And I just sat there and felt worse and worse. I don't know that I "got this" and I would rather chew my own arm off than go back tomorrow night. Several others did their blog on the EFM page and were very thankful and nice and hopeful. I chose to put off doing mine until this morning, hoping that I would feel better about the whole situation. Guess what? I didn't. And I refused to sugarcoat it on my blog. I want everyone to know the true emotions I am dealing with.</div>
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All day long I have dreaded having another workout tonight. I don't want to go back. I want to stay home, snuggle up with my kids and a book and a pizza. But then I look in the mirror and know where doing that will get me. And I know that I have to go back. I know that eventually I will share the same hope and positive feelings as the other contestants and I look forward to it. In the meantime, though, I don't have to be filled with the hope and positive feelings, I just have to show up and do it. I have to do it to the best of my ability, and that's all they can ask from me. OK, it's not all they can ask, but it's all I can give them.</div>
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I really do hope that I will come out of my workout tonight feeling proud. Feeling like I've accomplished something. I've got to learn how to get my mind where it needs to be, and once it gets there, I have no doubt that I will be halfway there!</div>
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To keep up with the EFM contestants on FB, please "like" the page<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ExtremeFitnessMakeover2014RAC">HERE!</a></span></div>
chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-4621552153762797032012-11-05T09:25:00.003-08:002012-11-05T09:25:43.186-08:00If you never do, you'll never know!About this time last year, I started hearing advertisements for a local gym that was accepting applicants for an "Extreme Fitness Makeover" and I got excited! I printed the application and filled it out. I posted about it on FB for some friends who I knew would also be interested in applying. And then I never turned my application in. Yes, I chickened out. In the meantime, I had quite a few friends who did apply for the challenge and 4 of my friends were chosen! (3 of whom would never have known about it if I hadn't told them about it!) <br />
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I watched my friends lose weight, lose inches, do things they never dreamed their bodies were capable of doing and make wonderful friends in their fellow competitors. I was sooo proud of them, but damnit, I was also so furious with myself at not having the nerve to actually turn in my own application. I should have been one of them, I should have been with them, changing my own life!<br />
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Fast forward to now...here I sit at my computer, approximately the same weight I was this time last year (and the year before that and the year before that...) And Rome Athletic Club is doing another EFM. I have been going back and forth about applying for it yet again. Why? Because I'm scared that I won't be able to keep up with them. Because I'm scared that they will tell me that I can't lose weight unless I eat foods that I cannot stomach. Because I'm scared that I will fail. That's it, I'm scared that I will fail.<br />
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This past weekend I ran into a friend who not only competed in the EFM but won it (and has lost about 130 pounds in the process!) and she introduced me to the ladies in charge of the competition, telling them that if it wasn't for me she would not have known about the opportunity and that they needed to tell me to get my application turned in. Seeing how happy and healthy my friend looked convinced me to come home, print the application and fill it out. I have to write about why I want to be a part of the EFM, and I'm afraid that I am writing so much that they will throw my application out due to the fact that they don't have the time to read it! After the deadline for applications has past, I will post exactly what my "essay" said.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
And even though I was 99.9% sure I was going to turn it in, I got the final push that I needed last night. How appropriate is it that my final push would come from a saying on a package from a fast food restaurant?! <br />
<br />
Check this out: <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lK-Z4d_4uRw/UJf05wiDliI/AAAAAAAAAXA/b6sLOniUKTk/s1600/photo+%252815%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lK-Z4d_4uRw/UJf05wiDliI/AAAAAAAAAXA/b6sLOniUKTk/s320/photo+%252815%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
I mean, seriously, how much more clear can it be? If I am chosen, am I going to be able to keep up? I don't know. Am I going to have to eat food that makes me gag? I don't know. Am I going to fail? I don't know. But like this says: If you never do, you'll never know. The only true way for me to fail at this point is not to try!<br />
<br />
Even the statement below that one is speaking to me...it says "Live MAS" which means "Live More" and that is something that I need to learn to do. As a fat chick, I don't do a whole lot of living. If it doesn't involve my couch, my computer, my car or my kids schools, I'm not doing it. The world is passing me by while I stay safe and sheltered in my comfortable little cocoon. I am missing so much by being fat and I am so hoping that I get the opportunity to learn how to Live MAS!!!!<br />
<br />
Wish me luck ~ they will announce the 12 participants before Christmas!<br />
<br />
<br />chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-30907097095510218852012-06-26T18:48:00.001-07:002012-06-26T18:48:44.418-07:00Baby steps, right?Anyone who has ever decided that they want to lose weight has done it...you get excited about getting healthier, losing weight, looking hot, and you go out that day and buy a whole lot of healthy food. You get it home with the greatest of intentions, only to find the next morning when you wake up that you aren't happy with your breakfast...and the lunch isn't as tasty as you hoped it would be...and then supper comes and you are absolutely famished, but you still manage to push through the good-for-you-meal and you end your day unsatisfied yet proud that you made it through day one.<br />
<br />
Then you wake up on day 2 and dread getting up because you know your breakfast isn't going to be satisfying, and you're pretty sure that lunch and supper are going to be the same way, and before you know it, you have your nose stuck in the refrigerator looking for the leftover takeout fajitas that you had last weekend. <br />
<br />
If you have kids, this is increased about three million fold. My husband and I are both overweight. Two of my children are starting to show signs of following us. The third would be but a medication he takes curbs his appetite. So as you see, the food that I prepare must meet the agreement of 4 mouths other than just mine, otherwise four mouths other than just mine are unsatisfied and complaining about how hungry they are and that they want "real" food.<br />
<br />
I've tried to change the way we eat more times than I can count. But I've always tried to do it cold turkey. I did a lot of thinking on it today and I have a few ideas that I am going to try.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>First of all, we are going to start out with one "healthy" day a week. This will be a day that I plan ahead with some of the more health conscious recipes that I have been "pinning"for months and never getting around to trying. We will not do processed snacks or desserts on our "healthy" day, nor will we drink cokes. </li>
<li>Because I am a baker at heart, my children are used to me baking desserts several times a week. I am going to cut back on how often I bake and when I do, I am going to start experimenting with the lower fat/calorie desserts that I have seen. </li>
<li>I have a list of healthy snacks and I am going to start buying one or two of them a week and offering them to the kids when they are hungry.</li>
</ul>
My hope is that after a few weeks of one "healthy" day a week, I can add an additional day...then later add another, and another. This will give me time to figure out what recipes work and which ones don't, and it will help the kids to know I'm not throwing all the "good" stuff out at once. <br />
<br />
As everyone knows, it's not a "diet" it's a lifestyle change. It has to last the rest of our lives, and if it takes six months to a year to get us comfortable with it, then so be it. That time is going to pass regardless, so we might as well be working on our goals while it does. <br />
<br />chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-77292179259213619672012-06-11T11:20:00.002-07:002012-06-11T11:20:18.668-07:00100 Reasons to Lose 100 PoundsI made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need
to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on
my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put
together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons.
I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I
do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to
comment and add your own reasons!!<br /><br /><br /><strong><u>100 Reasons to Lose 100
Pounds</u></strong><br /><br /><br />100. I want to know what I look like with only
one chin.<br /><br /><br /><br />99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a
booth at a restaurant.<br /><br /><br /><br />98. So that I don't embarrass my children.
School is hard enough without having a fat mom.<br /><br /><br /><br />97. To wear low
waisted jeans.<br /><br /><br /><br />96. To go jogging with my boys.<br /><br /><br /><br />95.
So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.<br /><br /><br /><br />94. So my
daughter will want to look like me.<br /><br /><br /><br />93. So I never have to hear
"you have such a pretty face..." again.<br /><br /><br /><br />92. So no one will
recognize me at my next high school reunion.<br /><br /><br /><br />91. To not be the
token fat chick in any given situation.<br /><br /><br /><br />90. Because I want to
live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.<br /><br /><br /><br />89. So I
never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to
myself.<br /><br /><br /><br />88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a
tent.<br /><br /><br /><br />87. So I don't get diabetes. <br /><br /><br /><br />86. I don't
want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.<br /><br /><br /><br />85. I want to
buy clothes in a regular store.<br /><br /><br /><br />84. I want to learn Victoria's
Secret!<br /><br /><br /><br />83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my
inside.<br /><br /><br /><br />82. So I will want to have my picture
taken.<br /><br /><br /><br />81. So people will want to take my
picture.<br /><br /><br /><br />80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my
stomach.<br /><br /><br /><br />79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the
mirror.<br /><br /><br /><br />78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me
comfortably.<br /><br /><br /><br />77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of
like nothing else would fit.<br /><br /><br /><br />76. I want to be able to walk more
than a block without getting winded.<br /><br /><br /><br />75. I want to fit more
comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled
way up!<br /><br /><br /><br />74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom.
(right, Christina? LOL!)<br /><br /><br /><br />73. So I can comfortably paint my toe
nails.<br /><br /><br /><br />72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about
squishing them!<br /><br /><br /><br />71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed
slides on playgrounds.<br /><br /><br /><br />70. So I can turn cartwheels
again.<br /><br /><br /><br />69. To be able to cross my legs
comfortably.<br /><br /><br /><br />68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the
sides digging into my legs.<br /><br /><br /><br />67. To wear boots that will zip over
my calves.<br /><br /><br /><br />66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make
my face look even fatter.<br /><br /><br /><br />65. To wear a bathing
suit.<br /><br /><br /><br />64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up
on something.<br /><br /><br /><br />63. To meet someone new without being wary that
they are thinking how disgusting I am.<br /><br /><br /><br />62. To have enough energy
to keep up with my kids<br /><br /><br /><br />61. Being able to ride a roller coaster
without worrying if the bar will fit.<br /><br /><br /><br />60. To run in a
race.<br /><br /><br /><br />59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me
after losing weight.<br /><br /><br /><br />58. Being able to keep up with other
people.<br /><br /><br /><br />57. No more stares from strangers (or random
comments)<br /><br /><br /><br />56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of
people.<br /><br /><br /><br />55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the
harness thingy they strap to you .<br /><br /><br /><br />54. So I can tuck in a
shirt.<br /><br /><br /><br />53. I want to feel stronger.<br /><br /><br /><br />52. To give my
family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as
me.<br /><br /><br /><br />51. To sleep better.<br /><br /><br /><br />50. Being able to sit on
my husbands lap.<br /><br /><br /><br />49. Going for a run on a fall
morning.<br /><br /><br /><br />48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying
about gaps.<br /><br /><br /><br />47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
<br /><br /><br /><br />46. Seat belts will fit properly.<br /><br /><br /><br />45. Movie
theater seats will be more comfortable.<br /><br /><br /><br />44. To not feel like
thin/healthy people are better than me.<br /><br /><br /><br />43. So I can ride a bike
again.<br /><br /><br /><br />42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having
to think about what they think about me.<br /><br /><br /><br />41. Not being so hard to
move.<br /><br /><br /><br />40. Not being called “heavy set” or
“large”<br /><br /><br /><br />39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.<br /><br /><br /><br />38.
So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.<br /><br /><br /><br />37. To
show my kids how to eat healthy.<br /><br /><br /><br />36. To show my kids that playing
outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.<br /><br /><br /><br />35. Being confident
to go after things I really want in life.<br /><br /><br /><br />34. To help my kids
grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.<br /><br /><br /><br />33.
Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.<br /><br /><br /><br />32. To shop
and cook healthier.<br /><br /><br /><br />31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there
is no way I can wear them.<br /><br /><br /><br />30. So I don’t sweat and look like
I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.<br /><br /><br /><br />29. So that
the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down
it.<br /><br /><br /><br />28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't
automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
<br /><br /><br /><br />27. I want to be able to get a massage without being
self-conscious.<br /><br /><br /><br />26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without
being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native
language.<br /><br /><br /><br />25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not
have to pay for meetings anymore!<br /><br /><br /><br />24. To step on the scale in the
doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200"
automatically.<br /><br /><br /><br />23. To have the energy to keep my house clean
instead of just sitting on the couch.<br /><br /><br /><br />22. So that I can wear the
same clothes from one winter season to the next winter
season.<br /><br /><br /><br />21. To get up from the floor without grunting and
grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.<br /><br /><br /><br />20. To determine
that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.<br /><br /><br /><br />19. So
that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the
jeans.<br /><br /><br /><br />18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not
have people look at me the way they currently do.<br /><br /><br /><br />17. So that the
gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear
one!<br /><br /><br /><br />16. To finally wear shorts again. <br /><br /><br /><br />15. So I
can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to
buy their "plus" sized clothes.<br /><br /><br /><br />14. To no longer have multiple
"X's" on my clothing tags.<br /><br /><br /><br />13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5
offensive lineman.<br /><br /><br /><br />12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in
my family...and they are NOT small men.<br /><br /><br /><br />11. To jump on my
husbands back without fearing I will break it.<br /><br /><br /><br />10. So I don't
have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over
my pants.<br /><br /><br /><br />9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my
weight when I'm not around.<br /><br /><br /><br />8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween
costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow. <br /><br /><br /><br />7. So
that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my
stomach.<br /><br /><br /><br />6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see
my toes or the numbers on the scale.<br /><br /><br /><br />5. I want to feel
comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).<br /><br /><br /><br />4. I
want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.<br /><br /><br /><br />3. I want to
grow old with my husband.<br /><br /><br /><br />2. I want to show other overweight
people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone
can!<br /><br /><br /><br />1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-4397922612647136042012-06-11T09:54:00.004-07:002012-06-11T09:54:59.492-07:00My Comfort ZoneLast night, I was watching "Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition" and something was said that I have been thinking about all morning:<br />
<br />
Life begins when you step out of your comfort zone.<br />
<br />
Hmm...in all honesty, I don't know that I have EVER found myself out of my comfort zone, and if I did, I am pretty sure that I jumped back over to the safe (albeit boring) side. Yes, I lead a boring life. Sometimes it seems as if I don't even know how to have fun. I'm sure I did at one point, but those memories are foggy to nonexistent. I have always assumed that I just was not one of those "fun" kind of people. You know the kind who are always going out and doing things and who actually have friends who ask them go to out and have fun. I see online where "this" couple or family spent the evening with "that" couple or family and all the pics they post and how much fun they had. I spent a lot of time being jealous that I wasn't one of "those" folks, and finally just came to the conclusion that I just don't have the type of personality that folks enjoy being around. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the only conclusion I could come up with.<br />
<br />
Last night on the show I was watching, the lady started out a lot like me...fat and introverted. Every interest she had ever had had fallen by the wayside as the weight packed on. As the show went on, she discovered that she loved riding bikes and actually getting out in the world and DOING things. Things that took her out of her comfort zone. Things that she would NEVER have done had she not lost weight.<br />
<br />
I have never really thought that I allowed my weight to keep me from doing things...but now I'm thinking that I was wrong. I am 35 years old and I have never sang karaoke...why? Because I am so self conscious I didn't want anyone making fun of the "fat girl" trying to sing. I don't participate in games that I am afraid I will make a fool out of myself...why? Because I am self conscious and I don't want anyone making fun of the "fat girl" who looks even more hideous playing the game. I even once refused to take my kids to the park because it was hot and I would have to wear shorts. In my mind, every single person there would be staring at the disgusting fat girl who actually had the nerve to come out in shorts, gross them out and ruin their day. I have been invited to do an exercise boot camp, but I haven't gone. Why? Because I know I'm fat and out of shape and I feel like not only would I slow everyone else down (because they are all relatively already in shape), but I fear that they would look at me and wonder why I am even bothering...knowing it won't make a difference. I could go on and on and on...<br />
<br />
And because I don't try new things, I spend my days in my house. And, as an extension of me, so do my children. I don't want them growing up thinking that if they aren't 100% happy with themselves that they aren't worthy of having fun! How stupid is that?! And yet it is what I have fed to myself over and over my entire life. Why is it so much harder to make ourselves understand what seems to make so much sense when we are saying it to other people?<br />
<br />
I have to wonder...would losing the weight change this perception? Would I be like the lady on the tv show last night and as the weight went down would the confidence level go up? Or would I still be like I am now, afraid of embarrassing myself, breaking down in tears if someone laughs at me or looks at me with what I perceive as disgust? Would I break free from the walls that are holding me in or would I still be a prisoner, unsure exactly HOW to break free?<br />
<br />
I have missed out on so much of life, and I am scared that the rest of it is going to pass me by while I sit afraid, in my sad little safe life. <br />
<br />
If I only knew how to make the first step.chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-84196537368756147922011-12-27T11:47:00.000-08:002011-12-27T11:47:02.545-08:00New Year, New Start, New PossibilitiesLet's hear it for the New Year!<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Yay, whoo-hoo, boo-yah!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><br />
For anyone who has anything about themselves that they dislike and would like to change, the New Year always brings with it a clean slate. An entire year of possibilities and of believing that anything is possible. We are leaving behind a year that, for many of us, held so much promise at the beginning and then slowly (or quickly!) went downhill. We make our New Year's resolutions and decide to better ourselves. And we do. For a week. Maybe two. Some may make it a whole month. But then life rears its ugly head ~ as life tends to do ~ and all of those positive thoughts of the possibilities of the upcoming days and months of the new year slide by the wayside. Fast forward six months and those New Year's resolutions are long gone, out of mind and not to be thought of again...until the next New Year.<br />
<br />
Guess what? That's now. The New Year begins in 5 short days. How amazing is that? Another clean slate. Another year of possibilities. Another year of believing that we can do anything and that anything is possible. Just the idea of a New Year makes me smile.<br />
<br />
But let's think about it now...what can we do to make certain that our resolutions to better ourselves don't fall by the wayside? <br />
<br />
First of all, let's think in more specific terms. This year I will not say that "I will lose weight." This has been a resolution every year of my adult life and while, yes, some years I do lose weight, more years than not, my scale goes one direction ~ up. So this year, I will make goals that are easier to understand and not as wide open. <br />
<br />
Let's try it...this year I will:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I will exercise at least three days a week for at least 30 minutes. This is good not only for weight loss but for every aspect of my health.</li>
<li>I will make water my drink of choice. Like exercise, water will not only help with weight loss, but it will also be good for my skin, my organs and it will help wash other impurities out of my body.</li>
<li>Before I eat something questionable or not entirely healthy for me, I will ask myself "will I regret this tomorrow?" I know from experience that a year from now I will not regret choosing to not eat a roll with butter at a meal, but I will regret choosing TO eat it if it means that I end this year at the same weight or higher than I began it.</li>
</ul>
<div>
These are small things. But these three small things can make a huge difference in every aspect of my life. If I can go through this year keeping these three things in mind, I have no doubt that I will end the year 2012 much healthier ~ and smaller ~ than I am ending the year 2011. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And it will be wonderful to end the year 2012 having lived the entire year proving to myself that I CAN do anything and that everything truly IS possible. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Happy New Year!!</div>chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-48925076100670131492011-11-07T06:20:00.000-08:002011-11-07T06:20:25.254-08:00100 Reasons to Lose 100 PoundsI made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong><u>100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds</u></strong><br />
<br />
<br />
100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
97. To wear low waisted jeans.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
96. To go jogging with my boys.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
87. So I don't get diabetes. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
81. So people will want to take my picture.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
65. To wear a bathing suit.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
60. To run in a race.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
58. Being able to keep up with other people.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
53. I want to feel stronger.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
51. To sleep better.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
46. Seat belts will fit properly.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
43. So I can ride a bike again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
41. Not being so hard to move.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
32. To shop and cook healthier.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?" <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
16. To finally wear shorts again. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
3. I want to grow old with my husband.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!<br />
<br />chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-4023952823019040912011-10-12T06:14:00.000-07:002011-10-12T06:14:23.683-07:00Sucky McSuckersonYes, that's me. In most areas of my life, I'm great. In the weight loss portion, I'm Sucky McSuckerson. Am I gaining? No, not really. But I'm not losing either. Here I sit weighing about what I did this time last year. That wouldn't be bad if I weren't the size of a beached whale. OK, a baby beached whale, but you get my drift.<br />
<br />
I have so many big dreams and ideas...I set goals of being below 200 pounds by (insert date here)...and then I do nothing about any of it. I have wanted to become a zumba instructor for over a year, but want to get some weight off before I do it. While I sat here doing nothing about it, my sister discovered zumba, got certified to instruct, has her own classes with a great following AND has lost weight (she was small to start with). So what is it that makes some people have the get up and go to, well, get up and go and actually DO these thngs while I sit by and talk about them? I'm so proud of my sister, and she is well on her way of hitting her weight loss goals. While here I sit, biggest one by far in my family, struggling to make it through a single day of eating right?<br />
<br />
My scale said 216 this morning. That's terrible, but not as bad as the 256 it once said. I cannot begin to express how exciting it would be to get out of the terrible 2's...and even knowing that as I do, why can't I do it? I don't get it. Truly I don't. <br />
<br />
I'm going to have to work toward that mindset again...baby steps, right?<br />
<br />
Today I will:<br />
<br />
*drink 32oz of water (still nowhere near enough, but more than the couple of oz I typically drink each day)<br />
*journal my food<br />
*get in 30 minutes of exercise (I will have time after I run out at lunch to go to the Y and walk on the treadmill before I pick the kids up...going to pack my clothes and try to absolutely force myself to go...once I go once it will get easier each time.)<br />
<br />
And that's it for today. I can do that, right? <br />
<br />
Yes, I can.chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-6133892456178656932011-07-03T09:12:00.000-07:002011-07-03T09:19:41.127-07:00Rethinking Weight LossFor years, I have always said that I was focusing on small goals instead of the huge, seemingly unattainable "goal" weight. I think, however, while I was saying my goal was to "lose 10 pounds", in the back of my mind I was still thinking "yeah, but what's 10 pounds when you have over 100 to lose?!"<br />
<br />
I think, though, that I am slowly getting to where my mind is where it should be. I have complained lately that I have been stuck where I am for months...instead of thinking of that as a bad thing, I need to see that as a great thing ~ I have MAINTAINED A 40 POUND WEIGHT LOSS FOR A YEAR!! Have I lost much beyond that? Nope. But that's cause I haven't been working out or watching what I eat. <br />
<br />
Two years ago, my only goal was to get below the weight I was when I stopped Thrive. That was about 35 pounds from where I started. I got there and passed it and am not maintaining about 6 pounds below that goal. I can tell that my body has grown comfortable at this weight, too, because I can no longer tell that I've lost weight, LOL...(did that make sense?!) Once I lost the 40 pounds, I could tell I had lost a little...but now I just feel fat again. I think that means it's time to go on to the next goal.<br />
<br />
So I am going to type it here...it's not something I particularly want everyone to know, but I've not been one to avoid writing things here because I am embarrassed. <br />
<br />
My next goal is:<br />
<br />
GET BELOW 200 POUNDS!!<br />
<br />
For a lot of people, just the thought of being above 200 pounds is unfathomable...for me, though, it's just been a fact of life. The last time I saw a weight starting with a "1" was in 2002, when my weight was on its way back UP from my stint with WW. <br />
<br />
I weighed yesterday and weighed 215 pounds. That means I have to lose 16 pounds to get to a HUGE milestone goal for me. I am now realizing that once I get into the 190's, it's fine to stay there! I don't have to be thinking of losing the next 10 pounds or getting into the 180's...I can maintain the 190's for months if I want to. The 190's don't have to be a stepping stone to another goal if I don't want them to be...for now, it is just my goal. If I never get out of the 190's, I'll still be happy, because I won't be 256 ~ or even 215 ~ anymore. <br />
<br />
I think that losing slowly has worked really well for me. It would be awesome to lose like they do on "Biggest Loser" and drop 100 pounds in 2 months, but I just know that is not something I could maintain. If I were to lose quickly, my body would not have time to learn what it needs to eat to stay there, and I would just gain as soon as I got out of "loss" mode. It's a lot easier to learn how to maintain every 15 pounds or so than to drop 100 pounds and have to figure out how to maintain a difference like that.<br />
<br />
My starting weight was 256 pounds. I remember the day I stepped on the scale and saw that...my mind went straight to "I am closer to 300 pounds than 200 pounds. Oh my God, how did that happen?" And now, 2 years and 41 pounds later, I realize that since that day I have been working toward getting the weight off. And I'm doing it. It has taken me this long to realize it, and even now it is a shock to me...it's not coming off quickly, but it's coming off. I AM LOSING WEIGHT!<br />
<br />
So here are my numbers:<br />
<br />
Beginning weight: 256<br />
Thrive ending weight: 221<br />
Current weight: 215<br />
Goal weight: 199<br />
<br />
When will I get to that 199 goal? I'm not going to put a time limit on it, but I would like to be there by October, when we go to the beach. That would allow me to maintain over the holidays, which sounds good to me. :)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wrsQEu0/"><br />
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wrsQEu0/weight.png"></a>chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-46448201794562582702011-06-25T20:07:00.000-07:002011-06-25T20:07:13.922-07:00Struggle...grumble...grumble...Everytime I get in the "zone" and think that I am finally winning this battle, reaching the top of the hill, something happens and I find myself back down at the bottom, maybe even a little lower than where I started.<br />
<br />
It really does suck, being fat. If I were happy being fat, that would be fine, but unfortunately, it's miserable. Not all the time, just some of the time. You know, the awake part. It is such a huge, all-consuming problem. One that so much of the time seems impossible to fight, much less win.<br />
<br />
I have kept this blog, on and off, for several years, and yet here I am, probably the same size I was when I started it. I'm almost afraid to go back and check, for fear that I'm even bigger than I was!<br />
<br />
Right now I have a few major issues. The first one being that I am baking again! Baking too much. Cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, pancakes...all stuff that I tell myself are for the kids (who don't need it either!), but I'm the one who ends up eating it! When I have crap around, I fall back into the sneaking food thing, which depresses me and makes me feel even worse, which makes me eat more crap. I swear that being fat/obese is a disease, because there are actions that I just cannot control. And it's scary! Some will say it's a matter of will power, but there is more to it than that, there is no doubt in my mind. <br />
<br />
My second issue right now is exercise. Or not wanting to exercise. I know if I started again I'd be happy, but for now I don't WANT to get up in the morning and hit the Y. And that makes me mad too, LOL! I want to want to go, like I did when I first started working out. I got out of the habit when Sam had surgery and it's near impossible to get back into it.<br />
<br />
I want to join WW again, but money prohibits it for now. Hoping I can in the near future...I do so love the meetings and the "me" time...it works for me too! And it's across the street from the Y, so I could work in a workout...hard to find an excuse when it's looking you in the face as you leave a weight loss meeting!<br />
<br />
For now, though, small goals. I bought a new water bottle that holds 64oz. I am going to drink it every day this week. That may not sound like much, but for me, it would be a huge step in the right direction. And right now, every one of those steps are important.chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-78995272022021024172011-06-23T10:03:00.000-07:002011-06-23T10:03:10.114-07:00A great giveaway!<a href="http://www.friendsforweightloss.com/win-it-biggest-loser-giveaway/#comment-2619">Friends for Weightloss</a> is having a great giveaway ~ they are giving 3 people the chance to win one of three great books: The Biggest Loser Weightloss Program, The Biggest Loser Family Cookbook or The Biggest Loser Fitness Book. <br />
<br />
Any of these would be a great prize ~ we can all use a little help getting to where we want to be!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-51569246356576125512011-04-13T10:26:00.000-07:002011-04-13T10:26:27.790-07:00fighting the frustration...OK, when I get to the point that I am so frustrated I can't stand it, I have to step back and see the whole picture again. Over the last 2 years I have lost 43 pounds. V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y, but don't we always hear it's more likely to stay off if lost slowly? (at least I continually tell myself this!) <br />
<br />
The last few weeks I have been doing a "Health Quest" at the local YMCA. I am down 5 pounds since the original weigh-in, but for some reason my scale at home is entirely different from the one at the Y. And I don't mean one weighs a particular amount higher or lower...it is just different every week! This morning I was down 2 pounds at home...ate nothing, did nothing, got to the Y and weighed and I was up 1. This is the most frustrating thing in the world! I don't mind a gain if I deserve it. I don't LIKE it, but I understand it and it pushes me to do better the next week. But when you have done good, your scale shows progress and then you get to the official WI and BAM, a gain, it is enough to piss me off and frustrate me good.<br />
<br />
It's like my body just sets numbers that it refuses to go below...I will struggle for weeks or even months before it will finally decide to let go of a few pounds of fat. Then 5 pounds later, it will decide it doesn't want to budge again...I guess these are plateaus. (though I hate that word, LOL!) I just hate that I hit them so freakin often! It's not like I'm getting close to goal...I still have 65 pounds to get to my goal...I should be losing more than I am.<br />
<br />
Again, big picture. As long as my weight, as a whole, is coming down, it's a good thing, right? Even at 20 pounds a year, I will eventually get down to a healthy weight. I just don't want to wait 3 more years!<br />
<br />
My current plan is to take the course to become certified to teach zumba in June...I bet this will help me get the weight off!<br />
<br />
Ah well...on to tomorrow I guess.chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-13250364243964434532011-03-09T05:48:00.000-08:002011-03-09T05:48:40.714-08:00100 Reasons to Lose 100 PoundsI made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!<br />
<br />
100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds<br />
<br />
100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.<br />
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.<br />
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.<br />
97. To wear low waisted jeans.<br />
96. To go jogging with my boys.<br />
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.<br />
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.<br />
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.<br />
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.<br />
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.<br />
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.<br />
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.<br />
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.<br />
87. So I don't get diabetes. <br />
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.<br />
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.<br />
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!<br />
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.<br />
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.<br />
81. So people will want to take my picture.<br />
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.<br />
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.<br />
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.<br />
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.<br />
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.<br />
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!<br />
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)<br />
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.<br />
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!<br />
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.<br />
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.<br />
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.<br />
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.<br />
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.<br />
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.<br />
65. To wear a bathing suit.<br />
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.<br />
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.<br />
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids<br />
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.<br />
60. To run in a race.<br />
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.<br />
58. Being able to keep up with other people.<br />
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)<br />
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.<br />
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .<br />
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.<br />
53. I want to feel stronger.<br />
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.<br />
51. To sleep better.<br />
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.<br />
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.<br />
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.<br />
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due. <br />
46. Seat belts will fit properly.<br />
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.<br />
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.<br />
43. So I can ride a bike again.<br />
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.<br />
41. Not being so hard to move.<br />
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”<br />
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.<br />
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.<br />
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.<br />
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.<br />
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.<br />
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.<br />
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.<br />
32. To shop and cook healthier.<br />
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.<br />
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.<br />
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.<br />
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?" <br />
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.<br />
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.<br />
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!<br />
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.<br />
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.<br />
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.<br />
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.<br />
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.<br />
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.<br />
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.<br />
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!<br />
16. To finally wear shorts again. <br />
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.<br />
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.<br />
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.<br />
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.<br />
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.<br />
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.<br />
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.<br />
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow. <br />
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.<br />
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.<br />
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).<br />
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.<br />
3. I want to grow old with my husband.<br />
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!<br />
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-75083457521598367472010-12-03T07:53:00.001-08:002010-12-03T07:58:17.174-08:00I have a confession to make. After hitting the YMCA 5 days a week for 3 months, I haven't been in 2 weeks. I know, I know...sorry, huh?<br /><br />It's killing me though!<br /><br />I have reasons, and some will say that there are no acceptable excuses, but I don't see how I could have done differently this time. My entire household came down with pink eye ~ including me! This is so contagious, and so miserable...and there's no way to Zumba while wearing glasses! I would either fog them up with sweat or break an arm or leg trying to keep up with people I can't see.<br /><br />Why is it, though, that when you aren't able to work out, your mind gives you the OK to eat crap?! Common sense would tell you that if you aren't working out, you need to be even more careful with your food. It don't work that way though! <br /><br />Now I have gained back a few pounds and my Christmas goal is looking soo far away! I am getting very concerneed I can't hit it...I was right on track, then sickness hit us, and I'm drifting again.<br /><br />Can't wait to get to Zumba next week...I have missed it soo much! Wonder how much work it'll take to get to that Christmas goal?! :)chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-83418497834133796372010-10-13T07:36:00.001-07:002010-10-13T07:47:16.538-07:00My goals.OK, since I posted here this week and hope to keep posting regularly, I want to put my goals here.<br /><br />My goal by Christmas is to be down 14 more pounds ~ for a total of 45.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wIfz4Az/"><br /><img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wIfz4Az/weight.png"></a><br />Christmas Goal Progress<br /><br />My goal is to be down 57 pounds by Valentine's Day ~ that's 26 to go!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wmARHV8/"><img src="http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/ezt/t/wmARHV8/weight.png" border="0" /></a><br />Valentine's Goal Progress<br /><br />I have lost 6 pounds in the last 3 weeks, which is a great rate of loss, especially considering the fact that I am not on a "diet plan"...just watching portions and adding lots of exercise.<br /><br />Til next week. :)chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-60234163083228759882010-10-10T20:36:00.001-07:002010-10-10T20:52:56.727-07:00I'm still around! :)I knew it had been a while since I updated my blog, but didn't realize how long til someone asked me whether or not I did the 5k in Cave Spring back in JUNE, LOL! (Thanks Barb! haha)<br /><br />So no, I did not do the 5k. My best friend got married that day and I was honored to stand beside her. Priorities, ya know. :)<br /><br />I am happy to report, though, that I am doing better than I have in a long time. Instead of jumping from WW to Thrive and various other things, I tried something new. It's really a genius idea and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier ~ I started EXERCISING! *gasp* Seriously, for the first time in my entire life (I was going to say my ADULT life, but no, it's my entire life), I am exercising regularly! I joined the YMCA about 2 years ago, but never went. It took a while for me to realize that just cause the cash is coming out of the paycheck, it doesn't mean the fat is coming off the booty, ya know? LOL...<br /><br />It took sooo much for me to get up the nerve to show up to work out, but my mother decided to join as well, and she helped me walk up the steps the first day to my first Zumba class. Boy oh boy it kicked my butt! I am always self conscious, cause I am usually the biggest person in any given place, but this class was so fast paced that I didn't have time to worry that other people were looking at me ~ they didn't have time to! It wasn't til after class that I realized that I was not, in fact, the biggest person, and then I realized that it didn't matter at all!<br /><br />That Zumba class led to a Movin and Groovin dance/aerobic class on another morning, which then led to doing weights on Tue and Thur and treadmill on Wednesday. So yes, I am going to the Y 5 mornings a week. My Mon and Fri classes generate about 6000 steps, and I am doing about 3.3 miles on the treadmill on Wednesday (the approximate equivalent to a 5k). And I've never felt better...physically or mentally.<br /><br />The first month or so, I was gaining on my scale every week. After a month, though, I suddenly dropped 4.6 pounds. My fingers are crossed for my WI on Wednesday...if my scale goes like it is right now, I will weigh the lightest I have weighed since the week I stopped doing Thrive. <br /><br />Food wise, I am just watching my portions and trying to eat more sensibly. I am cutting out NOTHING, and I even have junk food in the house. I have had the same sweets in the cabinet for over two months, and I haven't even been tempted by then. Occasionally I'll have something sweet, but it's in moderation, which is a new concept for me. :) I've figured out that once you work out and burn a ton of calories, the last thing you want to do is go home from the gym and gorge yourself and completely un-do what you just did!<br /><br />So...as of my last weigh in, I am actually 30 pounds down from my highest weight, which was what I weighed the last time I joined WW about a year and a half ago. I'm super proud of that! I have 5 pounds to go to be at my lowest since I had my daughter nearly 4 years ago. (Yes, since I had her ~ my body is crazy and loses weight when I'm pregnant.)<br /><br />I am finally where I am satisfied. Am I still fat? Well, yes. But I am starting to see "pieces" of what I can be. I'll take a self portrait with my cell phone and see the hint of an actual shape to my face instead of just fat...or I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I'm heading to the Y and realize that my thighs aren't as big as they were...and just recently I went to pick something up and saw my muscle move in my arm...a muscle that I would have been hard pressed to show you even existed a few short weeks ago. <br /><br />I guess I'm just a work in progress...it's slow progress, but I guess that's the kind you learn the most from.chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-91094486117144727822010-08-07T23:22:00.000-07:002010-08-07T23:27:46.994-07:00Amazing Giveaway!Check out this great blog I just discovered tonight:<br /><br /><a href="http://kyokocake.blogspot.com/">http://kyokocake.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />Not only is it a great blog to start following but they are having an amazing giveaway right now too! You can register to win a BodyBugg and 6 months monitoring service! OMG! What an amazing prize ~ probably the best one I've seen offered on a blog thus far. For a lot of people this would not be a big deal, but to a fat chick it's the opportunity of a lifetime!<br /><br />What is a Bodybugg you might ask? Check it out here for detailed info: <br /><br /><a href="http://www.24hourfitness.com/training/bodybugg/">http://www.24hourfitness.com/training/bodybugg/</a><br /><br />I saw them for the first time a few seasons ago on Biggest Loser and was intrigued. Then when I saw Ali (first female Biggest Loser) speak, she mentioned how much she loved her BodyBugg and I looked into it more...and now we have the chance to win one!<br /><br />So check out this great blog and awesome giveaway, and if one of my readers enters and wins, you gotta come back and tell me all about it!<br /><br /><a href="http://kyokocake.blogspot.com/2010/08/bodybugg-giveaway.html">http://kyokocake.blogspot.com/2010/08/bodybugg-giveaway.html</a>chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-50646500234023988042010-05-11T15:48:00.000-07:002010-05-11T15:53:19.061-07:00Once again, please check out this amazing woman and her great blog:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.superhotchicaintraining.com/">http://www.superhotchicaintraining.com/</a><br /><br />She is having a great giveaway!<br /><br />And I have to thank her for giving me a reason to come back here and post...it's been a while. I just haven't had anything to say. <br /><br />What have I accomplished the last few months?<br /><br />*lost 8 pounds (and counting)<br />*started walking some, getting ready for my 5K (but not nearly enough)<br />*started moving a lot more during my day. There were days before I doubt I got 500 steps...I get much, much more than that now!<br /><br />The 5K is in a month, and I just have to get my big behind out there and start moving! I am going to go back and read my "100 reasons to lose 100 pounds" again, just to remind me why I'm doing this. (and to convince me that it's not just to torture myself!)chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-32626211809816648212010-04-19T12:16:00.000-07:002010-04-19T12:18:03.418-07:00Check this out!I spend a lot of time on Facebook, and ran upon this great page! It's called "Super Hot Chica in Training"...she has a lot of great information on her page and also has a blog here on blogspot. She is doing a giveaway of a book too...here's a link:<br /><br /><a href="http://superhotchicaintraining.blogspot.com/2010/04/this-is-why-youre-fat-book-giveaway.htm">http://superhotchicaintraining.blogspot.com/2010/04/this-is-why-youre-fat-book-giveaway.htm</a><br /><br />Be sure and check out her FB page and her blog...not to mention her giveaway!!!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-88100746227073084242010-04-05T06:46:00.000-07:002010-04-05T06:55:32.926-07:00Wow, it's been a while since I updated here! We have moved and I am still trying to get things in order. It's an old house that needs a ton of work, though, so it'll be a while! (a loooong while, LOL!)<br /><br />As for me, I'm holding my own. :) I have started walking every morning at 6am with my parents...we are doing about 3 miles in an hour. Not a great pace, however it is the same pace that I did my 5k in last June (and it's enough to nearly kill this fat girl, LOL!) Since I'm starting out at this pace now, I have high hopes that I can cut my 15 minutes off that time this year. It's what I'm working toward.<br /><br />We are also working on changing out eating habits in our house. My hubby has been diagnosed with diverticulitis, and unless we change things, it's only going to get worse. Worse case scenario, he could end up having to have a colostomy bag...so we are going to do everything we can to prevent this from happening! We are adding lots more high fiber fruits and veggies...but unfortunately that also means no more white flour. Wheat pasta instead of white...brown rice instead of white...chicken instead of red meat...double fiber wheat bread for him and whitewheat for me and the kids...and no baking. :( This is where the problem will come in, because baking is my hobby...it makes me happy...but I can't do it anymore. It's like I told my 10 year old though...it's not a diet, we are just modifying things. We will still eat out, and when we do, he can get all the white pasta and rice he wants, lol! Meals in our house will be much healthier though. I'm figuring (hoping?!) that the weight will come off quickly when we make these changes. It's not a lot of changes, but it's changing the major parts of our diets, so it should make a big difference.<br /><br />My current short term goal is one that is definitely a challenge...I want to be down 30 pounds by June 12th! One of my best friends is getting married then and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding...as of right now, I am the fattest person in the wedding. :( My friend had gastric bypass last year and has lost well over 100 pounds, and everyone else is normal size. There is no way around being the fattest one, but at least maybe I can get enough weight off that you can tell it and I won't be *quite* as fat as I am now. Luckily we get to pick our own dress and it's going to be black...that helps, LOL! <br /><br />Enough for now...I have to go corral all of the Easter candy and get it put up. I have a feeling that the boys have it hidden all over their bedrooms, so it could take a while. If I dont' do it now, then they will eat it all after school today, and there is a LOT of candy...ya know, you'd think with it being an Easter BUNNY, s/he would bring carrots and lettuce instead of chocolate and jelly beans. ;)<br /><br />It's a beautiful, glorious day in NW GA...enjoy it!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-48687767008805407752010-03-22T04:13:00.000-07:002010-03-22T04:15:25.629-07:00New BlogBecause this blog is primarily for weight loss, I have started a new blog in which to discuss every day life. Please check it out!<br /><br /> <a href="http://www.thechickenlife.blogspot.com/">www.thechickenlife.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />Also, if you need a chuckle, be sure and check out my sister's blog. She is a hoot!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com/">www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com</a><br /><br />Become a follower!!!chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-85931378766145592462010-02-16T09:08:00.000-08:002010-02-16T09:13:20.225-08:00Wow. Just wow.I spent a lot of time writing the blog before this one. A lot of thought went into it. I'm not real sure what happene,d or what "clicked" in my mind, but when I finished with it, I suddenly knew. After 30 years of overeating and the past 15 trying to figure out WHY I eat like I do, I know. I have gone back in my mind more times than I can count trying to figure out if there was something that happened in my past that caused me to form these behaviors, and have never come up with anything. Today, though, it's like a door opened and there it was. And I realize now that it has affected every aspect of my life, from how and why I eat, to why I don't have close friends, to even why I don't like making telephone calls. There is very little in my life that I can't trace back, in some way, to this reason. I'm not going to go any further into it here, because I still have a lot to sort through in my mind, but I am just shocked that it's been there all along, right under the surface, and just broke through today. <br /><br />Hmm...now that I am realizing my reasons, though, what do I do with it?chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229009367703214249.post-88756102843717809922010-02-16T07:13:00.001-08:002010-02-16T09:45:44.727-08:00Compulsive Overeating<p>***Just a warning...if you are here for upbeat, "I'm doing great" stuff, then I recommend going elsewhere, LOL! If you want serious, introspective "why" type writing, then keep reading.***<br /><br />I have not been posting for a while because, once again, the old motivation is gone and has been replaced by the compulsive eating. I'm not down or depressed over it, though, I am frustrated and want to figure out why I do it! This is a hard blog to write...cause I know that people will read it. People I know will read it. The only reason I am actually putting it out there is that I am thinking that there are a lot of people like me...people who were a normal weight once, yet who have never had a healthy relationship with food, who have gained large amounts of weight over the years, and who yo-yo up and down 5 or 10 or 50 or even 100 pounds and want to know why...why they are fat, why they can't stick to a healthy way of eating and why they just can't be "normal."<br /><br />The majority of my family is thin...not skinny thin, but healthy thin. And I always feel like I'm not as good as they are when we are all together. (I even shake my head when I re-read that...how crazy!) Like they are judging me on how I look. Are they? I have no idea, probably not. But in my mind, they see me and are disgusted...they wonder how on earth I can live with myself looking like this...they think I have no self control. I feel like when we talk that they only look at my chins and my fat and not in my eyes...in retrospect, I know that this is not the case, but in my mind, this is what is going on. After reading this, I would assume that the things I imagine my family thinking about me are actually things that I think about myself, but won't admit it, even TO myself. I think these thoughts keep me from giving more of myself to my family, and they also keep me from trying to find good friends. I fear people judging me on the outside and not bothering to know the inside. Or maybe I'm afraid they won't like the inside too...I don't know. I have plenty of "surface" friends, those I talk to on FB or see at my kids' schools or pass at the mall...but I have VERY few that I feel comfortable showing "me" to.<br /><br />At this website <a href="http://www.mirror-mirror.org/compulsive.htm">www.mirror-mirror.org/compulsive.htm</a>, I found the following information. </p><p><em></em><br /><em>Compulsive overeating is characterized by uncontrollable eating and consequent weight gain. Compulsive overeaters use food as a way to cope with stress, emotional conflicts and daily problems. The food can block out feelings and emotions. Compulsive overeaters usually feel out of control and are aware their eating patterns are abnormal. Like bulimics, compulsive overeaters do recognize they have a problem.<br /><br />Compulsive overeating usually starts in early childhood when eating patterns are formed. Most people who become compulsive eaters are people who never learned the proper way to deal with stressful situations and used food instead as a way of coping. Fat can also serve as a protective function for them, especially in people that have been victims of sexual abuse. They sometimes feel that being overweight will keep others at a distance and make them less attractive. Unlike anorexia and bulimia, there is a high proportion of male overeaters.<br /><br />The more weight that is gained, the harder they try to diet and dieting is usually what leads to the next binge, which can be followed by feelings of powerlessness, guilt, shame and failure. Dieting and bingeing can go on forever if the emotional reasons for the bingeing is not dealt with.<br /><br />In today's society, compulsive overeating is not yet taken seriously enough. Instead of being treated for the serious problem they have, they are instead directed to diet centers and health spas. Like anorexia and bulimia, compulsive overeating is a serious problem and can result in death. With the proper treatment, which should include therapy, medical and nutritional counseling, it can be overcome.<br /><br /><strong>Signs and Symptoms<br /></strong><br />*Binge eating<br />*Fear of not being able to stop eating voluntarily<br />*Depression<br />*Self-deprecating thoughts following binges<br />*Withdrawing from activities because of embarrassment about weight<br />*Going on many different diets<br />*Eating little in public, while maintaining a high weight<br />*Believing they will be a better person when thin<br />*Feelings about self based on weight<br />*Social and professional failures attributed to weight<br />*Feeling tormented by eating habits<br />*Weight is focus of life<br /></em><br /><br />I have always read/heard that if you are overweight, there is a reason. You just have to dig deep to figure it out. Well, I've always disagreed loudly with that, swearing that I'm obese because I just love food. While that is (obviously) true, I'm starting to believe that there is more to it. If it were just food, then I should be able to work through that and lose weight. It's not that easy for me, though. It's not like it's baby weight that I've got to get rid of, or even an extra 5 pounds that has crept on over the last few years...I have 120 pounds that needs to come off! You don't get that overweight without having some serious stuff going on in your head, whether you want to admit to it or not. I generally choose "not" and just stick to my "I just love food" excuse.<br /><br />Without going into too much detail, I will just say that yes, I have almost, if not all, of the signs of symptoms of compulsive overeating. That is so difficult to realize, much less type! Being fat is the only thing it's still ok to make fun of...there are more "fat" jokes than there are "blonde" jokes...people will still poke each other and point out the fat people in the mall or at restaurants and not even try to hide it! We get dirty looks for just "being", even if we are minding our own business, playing with our kids or enjoying time with a spouse...apparently it's perfectly acceptable to treat a fat person badly. And here I am admitting that I AM FAT! (as if you didn't already know that) Have I experienced these things? Yes. I usually pretend not to notice them for fear of upsetting myself even further. And even now, after typing this, I am afraid that you, who are reading this, are judging me, even more so than before you started reading it. Not only am I just fat, but I'm also a compulsive overeater who may never figure out how to break out of it!<br /><br />Anorexia and bulemia are recognized as eating disorders and everyone knows about them. Compulsive overeating is also an eating disorder ~ just not one that people know about or want to talk about. It's much easier to just assume that the fat people you meet are just lazy, nasty, unclean people with no self control who don't care how they look...that all they have to do is quit eating and they will get better. It's just not that easy though! If you are reading this and you don't suffer from this, then thank God. Seriously, stop what you are doing right now and thank God. I'm not saying that you don't have trials and problems, maybe even weight problems, of course you do, but this is a problem that there just is very little help for. Doctors treat anorexia and bulemia, but I've called a few of those who say they treat "eating disorders" and they don't treat compulsive overeating! It's that "taboo" disorder that maybe if no one treats it or talks about it, then it doesn't exist. I know better though...there are too many of us "morbidly obese" people out there for this to be a disorder that can be swept under the rug. There has to be SOMEONE who can help people like me!<br /><br />I went to the website for Overeaters Anonymous, just to see what I could find out about it...unfortunately there is not a meeting here in Rome. That's kind of sad to me, because we have so many morbidly obese people in this area...I can't help but wonder if I were to start an OA group here, would any of these people want to help themselves and join? Or are they to the point that I am getting close to, where they think that this is just how it is...they are fat, they are laughed at, they aren't as good as other people, and they don't deserve help? It would be a lot of work, but if there are other people out there who feel like I do, then it might be worth it. I have to do something to work through whatever issues I have, cause if I don't help myself, no one is going to seek me out and do it for me.</p><p>I have a lot more I want to get deeper into, but this has to be it for now...I have a lot to think about.</p>chixbaby27http://www.blogger.com/profile/06638816924338101852noreply@blogger.com1