Fat Chick to Hot Chick!

New Year, New Start, New Possibilities

2011-12-27T11:47:00.000-08:00

Let's hear it for the New Year!

Yay, whoo-hoo, boo-yah!

For anyone who has anything about themselves that they dislike and would like to change, the New Year always brings with it a clean slate. An entire year of possibilities and of believing that anything is possible. We are leaving behind a year that, for many of us, held so much promise at the beginning and then slowly (or quickly!) went downhill. We make our New Year's resolutions and decide to better ourselves. And we do. For a week. Maybe two. Some may make it a whole month. But then life rears its ugly head ~ as life tends to do ~ and all of those positive thoughts of the possibilities of the upcoming days and months of the new year slide by the wayside. Fast forward six months and those New Year's resolutions are long gone, out of mind and not to be thought of again...until the next New Year.

Guess what? That's now. The New Year begins in 5 short days. How amazing is that? Another clean slate. Another year of possibilities. Another year of believing that we can do anything and that anything is possible. Just the idea of a New Year makes me smile.

But let's think about it now...what can we do to make certain that our resolutions to better ourselves don't fall by the wayside?

First of all, let's think in more specific terms. This year I will not say that "I will lose weight." This has been a resolution every year of my adult life and while, yes, some years I do lose weight, more years than not, my scale goes one direction ~ up. So this year, I will make goals that are easier to understand and not as wide open.

Let's try it...this year I will:

I will exercise at least three days a week for at least 30 minutes. This is good not only for weight loss but for every aspect of my health.
I will make water my drink of choice. Like exercise, water will not only help with weight loss, but it will also be good for my skin, my organs and it will help wash other impurities out of my body.
Before I eat something questionable or not entirely healthy for me, I will ask myself "will I regret this tomorrow?" I know from experience that a year from now I will not regret choosing to not eat a roll with butter at a meal, but I will regret choosing TO eat it if it means that I end this year at the same weight or higher than I began it.

These are small things. But these three small things can make a huge difference in every aspect of my life. If I can go through this year keeping these three things in mind, I have no doubt that I will end the year 2012 much healthier ~ and smaller ~ than I am ending the year 2011.

And it will be wonderful to end the year 2012 having lived the entire year proving to myself that I CAN do anything and that everything truly IS possible.

Happy New Year!!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

2011-11-07T06:20:00.000-08:00

I made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.

99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.

98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.

97. To wear low waisted jeans.

96. To go jogging with my boys.

95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.

94. So my daughter will want to look like me.

93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.

92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.

91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.

90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.

88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.

87. So I don't get diabetes.

86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.

85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.

84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!

83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.

82. So I will want to have my picture taken.

81. So people will want to take my picture.

80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.

79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.

78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.

77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.

76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.

75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!

74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)

73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.

72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!

71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.

70. So I can turn cartwheels again.

69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.

68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.

67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.

66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.

65. To wear a bathing suit.

64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.

63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.

62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids

61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.

60. To run in a race.

59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.

58. Being able to keep up with other people.

57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)

56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.

55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .

54. So I can tuck in a shirt.

53. I want to feel stronger.

52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.

51. To sleep better.

50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.

49. Going for a run on a fall morning.

48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.

47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.

46. Seat belts will fit properly.

45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.

44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.

43. So I can ride a bike again.

42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.

41. Not being so hard to move.

40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”

39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.

38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.

37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.

36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.

35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.

34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.

33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.

32. To shop and cook healthier.

31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.

30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.

29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.

28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"

27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.

26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.

25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!

24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.

23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.

22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.

21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.

20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.

19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.

18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.

17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!

16. To finally wear shorts again.

15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.

14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.

13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.

12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.

11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.

10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.

9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.

8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.

7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.

6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.

5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).

4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.

3. I want to grow old with my husband.

2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!

1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!

Sucky McSuckerson

2011-10-12T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's me. In most areas of my life, I'm great. In the weight loss portion, I'm Sucky McSuckerson. Am I gaining? No, not really. But I'm not losing either. Here I sit weighing about what I did this time last year. That wouldn't be bad if I weren't the size of a beached whale. OK, a baby beached whale, but you get my drift.

I have so many big dreams and ideas...I set goals of being below 200 pounds by (insert date here)...and then I do nothing about any of it. I have wanted to become a zumba instructor for over a year, but want to get some weight off before I do it. While I sat here doing nothing about it, my sister discovered zumba, got certified to instruct, has her own classes with a great following AND has lost weight (she was small to start with). So what is it that makes some people have the get up and go to, well, get up and go and actually DO these thngs while I sit by and talk about them? I'm so proud of my sister, and she is well on her way of hitting her weight loss goals. While here I sit, biggest one by far in my family, struggling to make it through a single day of eating right?

My scale said 216 this morning. That's terrible, but not as bad as the 256 it once said. I cannot begin to express how exciting it would be to get out of the terrible 2's...and even knowing that as I do, why can't I do it? I don't get it. Truly I don't.

I'm going to have to work toward that mindset again...baby steps, right?

Today I will:

*drink 32oz of water (still nowhere near enough, but more than the couple of oz I typically drink each day)
*journal my food
*get in 30 minutes of exercise (I will have time after I run out at lunch to go to the Y and walk on the treadmill before I pick the kids up...going to pack my clothes and try to absolutely force myself to go...once I go once it will get easier each time.)

And that's it for today. I can do that, right?

Yes, I can.

Rethinking Weight Loss

2011-07-03T09:12:00.000-07:00

For years, I have always said that I was focusing on small goals instead of the huge, seemingly unattainable "goal" weight. I think, however, while I was saying my goal was to "lose 10 pounds", in the back of my mind I was still thinking "yeah, but what's 10 pounds when you have over 100 to lose?!"

I think, though, that I am slowly getting to where my mind is where it should be. I have complained lately that I have been stuck where I am for months...instead of thinking of that as a bad thing, I need to see that as a great thing ~ I have MAINTAINED A 40 POUND WEIGHT LOSS FOR A YEAR!! Have I lost much beyond that? Nope. But that's cause I haven't been working out or watching what I eat.

Two years ago, my only goal was to get below the weight I was when I stopped Thrive. That was about 35 pounds from where I started. I got there and passed it and am not maintaining about 6 pounds below that goal. I can tell that my body has grown comfortable at this weight, too, because I can no longer tell that I've lost weight, LOL...(did that make sense?!) Once I lost the 40 pounds, I could tell I had lost a little...but now I just feel fat again. I think that means it's time to go on to the next goal.

So I am going to type it here...it's not something I particularly want everyone to know, but I've not been one to avoid writing things here because I am embarrassed.

My next goal is:

GET BELOW 200 POUNDS!!

For a lot of people, just the thought of being above 200 pounds is unfathomable...for me, though, it's just been a fact of life. The last time I saw a weight starting with a "1" was in 2002, when my weight was on its way back UP from my stint with WW.

I weighed yesterday and weighed 215 pounds. That means I have to lose 16 pounds to get to a HUGE milestone goal for me. I am now realizing that once I get into the 190's, it's fine to stay there! I don't have to be thinking of losing the next 10 pounds or getting into the 180's...I can maintain the 190's for months if I want to. The 190's don't have to be a stepping stone to another goal if I don't want them to be...for now, it is just my goal. If I never get out of the 190's, I'll still be happy, because I won't be 256 ~ or even 215 ~ anymore.

I think that losing slowly has worked really well for me. It would be awesome to lose like they do on "Biggest Loser" and drop 100 pounds in 2 months, but I just know that is not something I could maintain. If I were to lose quickly, my body would not have time to learn what it needs to eat to stay there, and I would just gain as soon as I got out of "loss" mode. It's a lot easier to learn how to maintain every 15 pounds or so than to drop 100 pounds and have to figure out how to maintain a difference like that.

My starting weight was 256 pounds. I remember the day I stepped on the scale and saw that...my mind went straight to "I am closer to 300 pounds than 200 pounds. Oh my God, how did that happen?" And now, 2 years and 41 pounds later, I realize that since that day I have been working toward getting the weight off. And I'm doing it. It has taken me this long to realize it, and even now it is a shock to me...it's not coming off quickly, but it's coming off. I AM LOSING WEIGHT!

So here are my numbers:

Beginning weight: 256
Thrive ending weight: 221
Current weight: 215
Goal weight: 199

When will I get to that 199 goal? I'm not going to put a time limit on it, but I would like to be there by October, when we go to the beach. That would allow me to maintain over the holidays, which sounds good to me. :)

Struggle...grumble...grumble...

2011-06-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Everytime I get in the "zone" and think that I am finally winning this battle, reaching the top of the hill, something happens and I find myself back down at the bottom, maybe even a little lower than where I started.

It really does suck, being fat. If I were happy being fat, that would be fine, but unfortunately, it's miserable. Not all the time, just some of the time. You know, the awake part. It is such a huge, all-consuming problem. One that so much of the time seems impossible to fight, much less win.

I have kept this blog, on and off, for several years, and yet here I am, probably the same size I was when I started it. I'm almost afraid to go back and check, for fear that I'm even bigger than I was!

Right now I have a few major issues. The first one being that I am baking again! Baking too much. Cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, pancakes...all stuff that I tell myself are for the kids (who don't need it either!), but I'm the one who ends up eating it! When I have crap around, I fall back into the sneaking food thing, which depresses me and makes me feel even worse, which makes me eat more crap. I swear that being fat/obese is a disease, because there are actions that I just cannot control. And it's scary! Some will say it's a matter of will power, but there is more to it than that, there is no doubt in my mind.

My second issue right now is exercise. Or not wanting to exercise. I know if I started again I'd be happy, but for now I don't WANT to get up in the morning and hit the Y. And that makes me mad too, LOL! I want to want to go, like I did when I first started working out. I got out of the habit when Sam had surgery and it's near impossible to get back into it.

I want to join WW again, but money prohibits it for now. Hoping I can in the near future...I do so love the meetings and the "me" time...it works for me too! And it's across the street from the Y, so I could work in a workout...hard to find an excuse when it's looking you in the face as you leave a weight loss meeting!

For now, though, small goals. I bought a new water bottle that holds 64oz. I am going to drink it every day this week. That may not sound like much, but for me, it would be a huge step in the right direction. And right now, every one of those steps are important.

A great giveaway!

2011-06-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

Friends for Weightloss is having a great giveaway ~ they are giving 3 people the chance to win one of three great books: The Biggest Loser Weightloss Program, The Biggest Loser Family Cookbook or The Biggest Loser Fitness Book.

Any of these would be a great prize ~ we can all use a little help getting to where we want to be!

fighting the frustration...

2011-04-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

OK, when I get to the point that I am so frustrated I can't stand it, I have to step back and see the whole picture again. Over the last 2 years I have lost 43 pounds. V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y, but don't we always hear it's more likely to stay off if lost slowly? (at least I continually tell myself this!)

The last few weeks I have been doing a "Health Quest" at the local YMCA. I am down 5 pounds since the original weigh-in, but for some reason my scale at home is entirely different from the one at the Y. And I don't mean one weighs a particular amount higher or lower...it is just different every week! This morning I was down 2 pounds at home...ate nothing, did nothing, got to the Y and weighed and I was up 1. This is the most frustrating thing in the world! I don't mind a gain if I deserve it. I don't LIKE it, but I understand it and it pushes me to do better the next week. But when you have done good, your scale shows progress and then you get to the official WI and BAM, a gain, it is enough to piss me off and frustrate me good.

It's like my body just sets numbers that it refuses to go below...I will struggle for weeks or even months before it will finally decide to let go of a few pounds of fat. Then 5 pounds later, it will decide it doesn't want to budge again...I guess these are plateaus. (though I hate that word, LOL!) I just hate that I hit them so freakin often! It's not like I'm getting close to goal...I still have 65 pounds to get to my goal...I should be losing more than I am.

Again, big picture. As long as my weight, as a whole, is coming down, it's a good thing, right? Even at 20 pounds a year, I will eventually get down to a healthy weight. I just don't want to wait 3 more years!

My current plan is to take the course to become certified to teach zumba in June...I bet this will help me get the weight off!

Ah well...on to tomorrow I guess.

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

2011-03-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

I made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.
97. To wear low waisted jeans.
96. To go jogging with my boys.
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.
87. So I don't get diabetes.
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.
81. So people will want to take my picture.
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!
16. To finally wear shorts again.
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.
3. I want to grow old with my husband.
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!

2010-12-03T07:53:00.001-08:00

I have a confession to make. After hitting the YMCA 5 days a week for 3 months, I haven't been in 2 weeks. I know, I know...sorry, huh?

It's killing me though!

I have reasons, and some will say that there are no acceptable excuses, but I don't see how I could have done differently this time. My entire household came down with pink eye ~ including me! This is so contagious, and so miserable...and there's no way to Zumba while wearing glasses! I would either fog them up with sweat or break an arm or leg trying to keep up with people I can't see.

Why is it, though, that when you aren't able to work out, your mind gives you the OK to eat crap?! Common sense would tell you that if you aren't working out, you need to be even more careful with your food. It don't work that way though!

Now I have gained back a few pounds and my Christmas goal is looking soo far away! I am getting very concerneed I can't hit it...I was right on track, then sickness hit us, and I'm drifting again.

Can't wait to get to Zumba next week...I have missed it soo much! Wonder how much work it'll take to get to that Christmas goal?! :)

My goals.

2010-10-13T07:36:00.001-07:00

OK, since I posted here this week and hope to keep posting regularly, I want to put my goals here.

My goal by Christmas is to be down 14 more pounds ~ for a total of 45.

Christmas Goal Progress

My goal is to be down 57 pounds by Valentine's Day ~ that's 26 to go!

Valentine's Goal Progress

I have lost 6 pounds in the last 3 weeks, which is a great rate of loss, especially considering the fact that I am not on a "diet plan"...just watching portions and adding lots of exercise.

Til next week. :)

I'm still around! :)

2010-10-10T20:36:00.001-07:00

I knew it had been a while since I updated my blog, but didn't realize how long til someone asked me whether or not I did the 5k in Cave Spring back in JUNE, LOL! (Thanks Barb! haha)

So no, I did not do the 5k. My best friend got married that day and I was honored to stand beside her. Priorities, ya know. :)

I am happy to report, though, that I am doing better than I have in a long time. Instead of jumping from WW to Thrive and various other things, I tried something new. It's really a genius idea and I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier ~ I started EXERCISING! *gasp* Seriously, for the first time in my entire life (I was going to say my ADULT life, but no, it's my entire life), I am exercising regularly! I joined the YMCA about 2 years ago, but never went. It took a while for me to realize that just cause the cash is coming out of the paycheck, it doesn't mean the fat is coming off the booty, ya know? LOL...

It took sooo much for me to get up the nerve to show up to work out, but my mother decided to join as well, and she helped me walk up the steps the first day to my first Zumba class. Boy oh boy it kicked my butt! I am always self conscious, cause I am usually the biggest person in any given place, but this class was so fast paced that I didn't have time to worry that other people were looking at me ~ they didn't have time to! It wasn't til after class that I realized that I was not, in fact, the biggest person, and then I realized that it didn't matter at all!

That Zumba class led to a Movin and Groovin dance/aerobic class on another morning, which then led to doing weights on Tue and Thur and treadmill on Wednesday. So yes, I am going to the Y 5 mornings a week. My Mon and Fri classes generate about 6000 steps, and I am doing about 3.3 miles on the treadmill on Wednesday (the approximate equivalent to a 5k). And I've never felt better...physically or mentally.

The first month or so, I was gaining on my scale every week. After a month, though, I suddenly dropped 4.6 pounds. My fingers are crossed for my WI on Wednesday...if my scale goes like it is right now, I will weigh the lightest I have weighed since the week I stopped doing Thrive.

Food wise, I am just watching my portions and trying to eat more sensibly. I am cutting out NOTHING, and I even have junk food in the house. I have had the same sweets in the cabinet for over two months, and I haven't even been tempted by then. Occasionally I'll have something sweet, but it's in moderation, which is a new concept for me. :) I've figured out that once you work out and burn a ton of calories, the last thing you want to do is go home from the gym and gorge yourself and completely un-do what you just did!

So...as of my last weigh in, I am actually 30 pounds down from my highest weight, which was what I weighed the last time I joined WW about a year and a half ago. I'm super proud of that! I have 5 pounds to go to be at my lowest since I had my daughter nearly 4 years ago. (Yes, since I had her ~ my body is crazy and loses weight when I'm pregnant.)

I am finally where I am satisfied. Am I still fat? Well, yes. But I am starting to see "pieces" of what I can be. I'll take a self portrait with my cell phone and see the hint of an actual shape to my face instead of just fat...or I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I'm heading to the Y and realize that my thighs aren't as big as they were...and just recently I went to pick something up and saw my muscle move in my arm...a muscle that I would have been hard pressed to show you even existed a few short weeks ago.

I guess I'm just a work in progress...it's slow progress, but I guess that's the kind you learn the most from.

Amazing Giveaway!

2010-08-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Check out this great blog I just discovered tonight:

http://kyokocake.blogspot.com

Not only is it a great blog to start following but they are having an amazing giveaway right now too! You can register to win a BodyBugg and 6 months monitoring service! OMG! What an amazing prize ~ probably the best one I've seen offered on a blog thus far. For a lot of people this would not be a big deal, but to a fat chick it's the opportunity of a lifetime!

What is a Bodybugg you might ask? Check it out here for detailed info:

http://www.24hourfitness.com/training/bodybugg/

I saw them for the first time a few seasons ago on Biggest Loser and was intrigued. Then when I saw Ali (first female Biggest Loser) speak, she mentioned how much she loved her BodyBugg and I looked into it more...and now we have the chance to win one!

So check out this great blog and awesome giveaway, and if one of my readers enters and wins, you gotta come back and tell me all about it!

http://kyokocake.blogspot.com/2010/08/bodybugg-giveaway.html

2010-05-11T15:48:00.000-07:00

Once again, please check out this amazing woman and her great blog:

http://www.superhotchicaintraining.com/

She is having a great giveaway!

And I have to thank her for giving me a reason to come back here and post...it's been a while. I just haven't had anything to say.

What have I accomplished the last few months?

*lost 8 pounds (and counting)
*started walking some, getting ready for my 5K (but not nearly enough)
*started moving a lot more during my day. There were days before I doubt I got 500 steps...I get much, much more than that now!

The 5K is in a month, and I just have to get my big behind out there and start moving! I am going to go back and read my "100 reasons to lose 100 pounds" again, just to remind me why I'm doing this. (and to convince me that it's not just to torture myself!)

Check this out!

2010-04-19T12:16:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of time on Facebook, and ran upon this great page! It's called "Super Hot Chica in Training"...she has a lot of great information on her page and also has a blog here on blogspot. She is doing a giveaway of a book too...here's a link:

http://superhotchicaintraining.blogspot.com/2010/04/this-is-why-youre-fat-book-giveaway.htm

Be sure and check out her FB page and her blog...not to mention her giveaway!!!

2010-04-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while since I updated here! We have moved and I am still trying to get things in order. It's an old house that needs a ton of work, though, so it'll be a while! (a loooong while, LOL!)

As for me, I'm holding my own. :) I have started walking every morning at 6am with my parents...we are doing about 3 miles in an hour. Not a great pace, however it is the same pace that I did my 5k in last June (and it's enough to nearly kill this fat girl, LOL!) Since I'm starting out at this pace now, I have high hopes that I can cut my 15 minutes off that time this year. It's what I'm working toward.

We are also working on changing out eating habits in our house. My hubby has been diagnosed with diverticulitis, and unless we change things, it's only going to get worse. Worse case scenario, he could end up having to have a colostomy bag...so we are going to do everything we can to prevent this from happening! We are adding lots more high fiber fruits and veggies...but unfortunately that also means no more white flour. Wheat pasta instead of white...brown rice instead of white...chicken instead of red meat...double fiber wheat bread for him and whitewheat for me and the kids...and no baking. :( This is where the problem will come in, because baking is my hobby...it makes me happy...but I can't do it anymore. It's like I told my 10 year old though...it's not a diet, we are just modifying things. We will still eat out, and when we do, he can get all the white pasta and rice he wants, lol! Meals in our house will be much healthier though. I'm figuring (hoping?!) that the weight will come off quickly when we make these changes. It's not a lot of changes, but it's changing the major parts of our diets, so it should make a big difference.

My current short term goal is one that is definitely a challenge...I want to be down 30 pounds by June 12th! One of my best friends is getting married then and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding...as of right now, I am the fattest person in the wedding. :( My friend had gastric bypass last year and has lost well over 100 pounds, and everyone else is normal size. There is no way around being the fattest one, but at least maybe I can get enough weight off that you can tell it and I won't be *quite* as fat as I am now. Luckily we get to pick our own dress and it's going to be black...that helps, LOL!

Enough for now...I have to go corral all of the Easter candy and get it put up. I have a feeling that the boys have it hidden all over their bedrooms, so it could take a while. If I dont' do it now, then they will eat it all after school today, and there is a LOT of candy...ya know, you'd think with it being an Easter BUNNY, s/he would bring carrots and lettuce instead of chocolate and jelly beans. ;)

It's a beautiful, glorious day in NW GA...enjoy it!

New Blog

2010-03-22T04:13:00.000-07:00

Because this blog is primarily for weight loss, I have started a new blog in which to discuss every day life. Please check it out!

www.thechickenlife.blogspot.com

Also, if you need a chuckle, be sure and check out my sister's blog. She is a hoot!

www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com

Become a follower!!!

Wow. Just wow.

2010-02-16T09:08:00.000-08:00

I spent a lot of time writing the blog before this one. A lot of thought went into it. I'm not real sure what happene,d or what "clicked" in my mind, but when I finished with it, I suddenly knew. After 30 years of overeating and the past 15 trying to figure out WHY I eat like I do, I know. I have gone back in my mind more times than I can count trying to figure out if there was something that happened in my past that caused me to form these behaviors, and have never come up with anything. Today, though, it's like a door opened and there it was. And I realize now that it has affected every aspect of my life, from how and why I eat, to why I don't have close friends, to even why I don't like making telephone calls. There is very little in my life that I can't trace back, in some way, to this reason. I'm not going to go any further into it here, because I still have a lot to sort through in my mind, but I am just shocked that it's been there all along, right under the surface, and just broke through today.

Hmm...now that I am realizing my reasons, though, what do I do with it?

Compulsive Overeating

2010-02-16T07:13:00.001-08:00

***Just a warning...if you are here for upbeat, "I'm doing great" stuff, then I recommend going elsewhere, LOL! If you want serious, introspective "why" type writing, then keep reading.***

I have not been posting for a while because, once again, the old motivation is gone and has been replaced by the compulsive eating. I'm not down or depressed over it, though, I am frustrated and want to figure out why I do it! This is a hard blog to write...cause I know that people will read it. People I know will read it. The only reason I am actually putting it out there is that I am thinking that there are a lot of people like me...people who were a normal weight once, yet who have never had a healthy relationship with food, who have gained large amounts of weight over the years, and who yo-yo up and down 5 or 10 or 50 or even 100 pounds and want to know why...why they are fat, why they can't stick to a healthy way of eating and why they just can't be "normal."

The majority of my family is thin...not skinny thin, but healthy thin. And I always feel like I'm not as good as they are when we are all together. (I even shake my head when I re-read that...how crazy!) Like they are judging me on how I look. Are they? I have no idea, probably not. But in my mind, they see me and are disgusted...they wonder how on earth I can live with myself looking like this...they think I have no self control. I feel like when we talk that they only look at my chins and my fat and not in my eyes...in retrospect, I know that this is not the case, but in my mind, this is what is going on. After reading this, I would assume that the things I imagine my family thinking about me are actually things that I think about myself, but won't admit it, even TO myself. I think these thoughts keep me from giving more of myself to my family, and they also keep me from trying to find good friends. I fear people judging me on the outside and not bothering to know the inside. Or maybe I'm afraid they won't like the inside too...I don't know. I have plenty of "surface" friends, those I talk to on FB or see at my kids' schools or pass at the mall...but I have VERY few that I feel comfortable showing "me" to.

At this website www.mirror-mirror.org/compulsive.htm, I found the following information.

Compulsive overeating is characterized by uncontrollable eating and consequent weight gain. Compulsive overeaters use food as a way to cope with stress, emotional conflicts and daily problems. The food can block out feelings and emotions. Compulsive overeaters usually feel out of control and are aware their eating patterns are abnormal. Like bulimics, compulsive overeaters do recognize they have a problem.

Compulsive overeating usually starts in early childhood when eating patterns are formed. Most people who become compulsive eaters are people who never learned the proper way to deal with stressful situations and used food instead as a way of coping. Fat can also serve as a protective function for them, especially in people that have been victims of sexual abuse. They sometimes feel that being overweight will keep others at a distance and make them less attractive. Unlike anorexia and bulimia, there is a high proportion of male overeaters.

The more weight that is gained, the harder they try to diet and dieting is usually what leads to the next binge, which can be followed by feelings of powerlessness, guilt, shame and failure. Dieting and bingeing can go on forever if the emotional reasons for the bingeing is not dealt with.

In today's society, compulsive overeating is not yet taken seriously enough. Instead of being treated for the serious problem they have, they are instead directed to diet centers and health spas. Like anorexia and bulimia, compulsive overeating is a serious problem and can result in death. With the proper treatment, which should include therapy, medical and nutritional counseling, it can be overcome.

Signs and Symptoms

*Binge eating
*Fear of not being able to stop eating voluntarily
*Depression
*Self-deprecating thoughts following binges
*Withdrawing from activities because of embarrassment about weight
*Going on many different diets
*Eating little in public, while maintaining a high weight
*Believing they will be a better person when thin
*Feelings about self based on weight
*Social and professional failures attributed to weight
*Feeling tormented by eating habits
*Weight is focus of life

I have always read/heard that if you are overweight, there is a reason. You just have to dig deep to figure it out. Well, I've always disagreed loudly with that, swearing that I'm obese because I just love food. While that is (obviously) true, I'm starting to believe that there is more to it. If it were just food, then I should be able to work through that and lose weight. It's not that easy for me, though. It's not like it's baby weight that I've got to get rid of, or even an extra 5 pounds that has crept on over the last few years...I have 120 pounds that needs to come off! You don't get that overweight without having some serious stuff going on in your head, whether you want to admit to it or not. I generally choose "not" and just stick to my "I just love food" excuse.

Without going into too much detail, I will just say that yes, I have almost, if not all, of the signs of symptoms of compulsive overeating. That is so difficult to realize, much less type! Being fat is the only thing it's still ok to make fun of...there are more "fat" jokes than there are "blonde" jokes...people will still poke each other and point out the fat people in the mall or at restaurants and not even try to hide it! We get dirty looks for just "being", even if we are minding our own business, playing with our kids or enjoying time with a spouse...apparently it's perfectly acceptable to treat a fat person badly. And here I am admitting that I AM FAT! (as if you didn't already know that) Have I experienced these things? Yes. I usually pretend not to notice them for fear of upsetting myself even further. And even now, after typing this, I am afraid that you, who are reading this, are judging me, even more so than before you started reading it. Not only am I just fat, but I'm also a compulsive overeater who may never figure out how to break out of it!

Anorexia and bulemia are recognized as eating disorders and everyone knows about them. Compulsive overeating is also an eating disorder ~ just not one that people know about or want to talk about. It's much easier to just assume that the fat people you meet are just lazy, nasty, unclean people with no self control who don't care how they look...that all they have to do is quit eating and they will get better. It's just not that easy though! If you are reading this and you don't suffer from this, then thank God. Seriously, stop what you are doing right now and thank God. I'm not saying that you don't have trials and problems, maybe even weight problems, of course you do, but this is a problem that there just is very little help for. Doctors treat anorexia and bulemia, but I've called a few of those who say they treat "eating disorders" and they don't treat compulsive overeating! It's that "taboo" disorder that maybe if no one treats it or talks about it, then it doesn't exist. I know better though...there are too many of us "morbidly obese" people out there for this to be a disorder that can be swept under the rug. There has to be SOMEONE who can help people like me!

I went to the website for Overeaters Anonymous, just to see what I could find out about it...unfortunately there is not a meeting here in Rome. That's kind of sad to me, because we have so many morbidly obese people in this area...I can't help but wonder if I were to start an OA group here, would any of these people want to help themselves and join? Or are they to the point that I am getting close to, where they think that this is just how it is...they are fat, they are laughed at, they aren't as good as other people, and they don't deserve help? It would be a lot of work, but if there are other people out there who feel like I do, then it might be worth it. I have to do something to work through whatever issues I have, cause if I don't help myself, no one is going to seek me out and do it for me.

I have a lot more I want to get deeper into, but this has to be it for now...I have a lot to think about.

My 2nd Weigh In

2010-01-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

Here is my updated ticker:

I lost 1.2 pounds this week. I should be thrilled, but I'm not. I was hoping for 2.2, so I could hit 10 pounds gone, but no, a measly 1.2. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but it's hard not to. To be as big as I am, still have 100 pounds to lose, and only in my 2nd week, I expected more, especially after a perfect week.

I know, I know...working for Thrive I was a cheerleader for those who had losses like this and were still disappointed. I know all the mantras of "any loss is a good loss!" and "it could have been worse!" and "wow, but that's over a pound!" But right now I don't really care, lol! I'm just irritated.

Bah, humbug. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

My "Why"

2010-01-10T07:06:00.001-08:00

Thrive wants you to dig deep and come up with your "Why"...why you want to lose weight. I am going to share here what I put in my journal about why I want to lose. It may be repetative from my 100 Reasons, but these are the ones that came to my mind.

~~
I am tired of seeing rolls of fat in the mirror. I want to feel good about all of me. I want to wear a bathing suit. I want to shop off the rack at a regular size store. I want to fit in all booths. I want to keep my kids from getting fat. I want my husband and kids to be proud of me. I want to see my grandkids. I want to live a long, happy, healthy life with Sam.
~~

Of course there are more than this, but this is what came to mind when I was writing. I have since, though, came up with something else that, as small a thing as it may seem, seems huge to me:

I want to know what my face looks like.

I know what I looked like as a child. I know what I looked like as a teenager. But I have been fat as long as I've been an adult. I see bits and pieces of myself...my eyes, my lips, my nose, but it is all surrounded by fat! I don't even know what my true face shape is without all the fat. I have always assumed (and been told) that I have a round face...but is it round without the fat? Who knows, I may have a completely different shaped face under all this! I like the pieces of my face that I am able to focus on, but I would so love to see what I look like, as a whole, minus the fat. I have always been told I have a "pretty" face...who knows, maybe I really do!

I am going to pull out some old pictures where my face isn't puffy fat and put them on the fridge ~ just to remind me of this goal!

nothing important...

2010-01-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, I realize I made a typo...I actually lost 7.8 pounds last week, not 7.6, LOL! But who's counting? ;)

Today is my Biggest Loser weigh in! As crazy as it sounds, I am scared to death I'm going to step on the scale and it's going to show I've lost nothing, even though I know I have! I would so love to be down even another pound, but I'm not counting on it! The BL competition is based on % of weight lost...this week, both me and my sister (Deathmetalmommy) lost 3% of our body weight. 3%!! That is a seriously measurable percentage of fat, GONE! Neither of us may win this competition, but we plan to give them a run for their money! :) I am so thankful that my friend invited me to join them in their competition...don't know if you read this or not, but thank you, TW! It is giving me so much motivation to keep going...and now that we made it through the first week, we only have what, 23 to go? LOL!

I am so determined to get this weight off! There is so many motivations for me right now, I would be crazy not to take advantage of it! In the next 6 months, I want to get 40 pounds off. To weigh as much as I do, this is very much a do-able goal...and I will be thrilled at anything above and beyond that!

So far, 2010 has helped me to take control of a lot of things that have spiraled out of control the past few years, from my weight to my house cleaning. I have always been an extraordinarily messy person. A packrat. Lazy. There are lots of names for it, and they are all me! I feel as if I should confess something here...though maybe "confess" is not the right word. Maybe "admit" is. After a lot of research and talking to my dr, I have been diagnosed with ADD. Getting on the correct medication for this has changed my life! I am able to pay attention to things, I am able to think about things before I do them, I am able to follow directions to do things...and this is what has helped me in getting my house in order. For the first time in the 11 1/2 years we have lived here, our 3rd bedroom is a 3rd bedroom and not a junkroom! My house is clean! It's like I am crawling out from under the rock I have lived under for so long and starting to live again!

2010 is going to be awesome!

End of 1st week ~ WI #1

2010-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

Drum roll please...

I lost...

7.6 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY ME!

I am beyond thrilled. Well on my way to my goal...I lost 3% of my body weight this week. That is freakin AWESOME!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

2010-01-05T14:35:00.001-08:00

I have posted this twice now, but I need to see it every so often to help keep me motivated...I hope it will help anyone who is reading this, who may also need motivation.

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.
97. To wear low waisted jeans.
96. To go jogging with my boys.
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.
87. So I don't get diabetes.
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.
81. So people will want to take my picture.
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!
16. To finally wear shorts again.
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.
3. I want to grow old with my husband.
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Me - Day 4!

2010-01-04T04:52:00.000-08:00

So glad I pushed through the withdrawal symptoms! Got through the headaches, body aches and cravings and am feeling so good now! :) I am on day 4 of my "New Me" journey and have had 3 perfect days so far! I know, 3 days is nothing, but in my mind, it is a PERFECT year so far ~ and it don't get any better than that!

On Saturday, my sister (Deathmetalmommy ~ see her blog in a link to the right) and I went to the first weigh in for the "Biggest Loser" competition that we are joining. It is $25 per person, and lasts for 6 months. The first week of June, the person who has lost the largest percentage of weight (like they do on the BL show), will win the pot ~ which looks to be around $500! I talked to Sam about it and he agreed that if I can win it, we will take it and immediately turn around and book a cruise for 2 to the Bahamas. We have never cruised, nor have we ever been away from all 3 kids, so this is huge for us! This now has him excited about the competition too...he is all about working out and trying to help me any way he can. This is going to help so much!

My only slight temptation was this morning, when I got up and fixed a big breakfast for my hubby and our good friend who was visiting from Ohio...they were both heading out to work and it was 17 degrees, so they needed it, lol! I was tempted by my homemade biscuits...I can throw down some homemade biscuits, lol...but I chewed my sugar free gum, got through it, and sat down with them with my bottle of water and my own breakfast and just enjoyed the company ~ something I don't usually do when eating. It's usually about shoveling down the food and (embarrassing to admit) making sure that I got the amount of food I wanted.

Hopefully we will make it to the YMCA tonight to start 5k training. Oh, stepped on my scale this morning and look down about 5-6 pounds from the 1st. Yes, it's water, but it's water I wouldn't have lost had I not changed my way of eating ~ I would, no doubt, already be up another pound or two. That scale is moving the right direction, and I plan to keep it that way!

It's going to be a great day!

Day 2

2010-01-04T04:51:00.000-08:00

(originally written on Jan 2nd)

Wow, what a difference a day makes!

Yesterday was day 1, I was motivated, energetic and feeling great! Got through the day with no problem, even got my water in, which is no small feat for me. Fast forward to today and I feel like I ran head first into a brick wall...literally! I forgot how hard sugar withdrawal hits me...it will feel like this for several days. I guess it could also be some caffeine withdrawal...so I'll have to find a diet mountain dew today. When I start having withdrawal symptoms in just 24 hours, it shows me how much sugar I was eating in the first place.

Today I get to go for our first weigh in of the Biggest Loser competition I was invited to join. It's a big group of local women who are committing to a 6 month competition. We are putting in $25 each and weighing in once a month...the one who has lost the biggest percentage of weight in June will win the pot. I am so excited about this...I think it will definitely help me out with staying motivated. Plus, the once a month weigh ins will show great losses, which will feel great, even though I will still have my regular weekly weigh-ins too.

I'm off to take some ibuprofen, get dressed, drink a bottle of water and get some clothes and maternity stuff put on ebay. Here's hoping for a great rest-of-the-day!

New Year = New Me

2009-12-30T18:10:00.001-08:00

OK, I am feeling motivated and ready to get the ball rolling again. Yes, I know, me and every one else in the world, right? There is just something about the beginning of a new year...the possibilities are endless!

What is my plan?

* back on Thrive! I am going to a meeting tomorrow morning. My sister (deathmetalmommy) is also going to join, which is going to help me out a bunch!

* I am going to do the Cave Spring 5k again this year. My goal is to beat my last years time by 15 minutes!

* I am going to start going to the YMCA 3-4 times a week.

* I plan to be down a minimum of 40 pounds by the 5k. I will put a ticker on my blog to show my progress there.

* I have been invited to join a "biggest loser" competition here in Rome. It's a friend of mine and her friends and family...costs $25 a person, lasts 6 months, and the biggest loser gets the pot. I think this will be an amazing boost of motivation!

So I know it's been a long time since I posted, but I'm back. And feeling good. :)

I have a confession to make.

2009-10-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had more blow it days than perfect days. And that hurt to admit! I have lots of excuses for why we ate out so much last week and why neither I nor Sam ordered anything even remotely Thrive approved, but I won't bore you with any of them. I must say that I am beyond shocked at how quickly those bad habits can re-emerge! For 8 weeks we did great...rarely eating out, following Thrive religiously with very few blow it days. Then last week, life happened, and instead of using what we learned with Thrive to get through it, we just reverted back to our bad habits. You would think that after the first day of eating bad, when the heartburn set in, when the gas set in, when the stomach upset set in, we would have got a clue and started eating right. But no, it turned into another day of eating junk, followed by heartburn and all the rest. We talked about it every night, how miserable we were, how did we eat like that every day in our "past life", and yet we woke up and did it again the next day....and the next...and the next.

I am proud to say that I have now had 2 perfect days and am finally back in EFB. I feel 100% better, and hope that by writing this here, I can look back on it when I am tempted to blow it again and see that it really wasn't worth it. I am afraid to step on the scale and have decided to give it a week so that I don't fall over in shock when I see the number, LOL!

So to you Thrivers out there who may be tempted...it ain't worth it. The stomach upset alone is enough to make you wonder how on earth you lived this long eating food that bad for you, LOL...

As for me...I will just subtract these bad days from my allowed blow it days and move forward.

Drumroll, please!

2009-09-25T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today was my final 7 week WI and I lost 2 more pounds! That makes a total of 16.2 pounds from Thrive in just 7 weeks! Added to what I lost on WW I am now down 35.2 pounds! That's a whole lotta weight! That's like my daughter holding a 5 pound bag of taters, LOL! I also lost about 14 inches...nearly 4 in my waist and 4 in my hips, alone! It's amazing. Almost 2 whole pants sizes.

I also have to give props to my wonderful husband, Sam. He started Thrive when I did and he is now down 40 pounds. Yes, folks, 40 pounds! He is one of my "why's"...he had high blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides (over 600!), 2 parents with diabetes and he was over 300 pounds. Pretty much all that has cleared up now! Neither of us suffer from heartburn or acid reflux, when it used to be a nightly thing.

I can honestly say that Thrive has not only changed our lives...it has SAVED our lives! It feels so good knowing that we are getting healthier as each day goes by. To know that the food we put in our mouths is FUEL for our bodies...instead of just insulin-inducing sugar-filled junk!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend...I know I will!

2009-09-15T18:02:00.000-07:00

As I sit here watching "The Biggest Loser" (one of my all-time favorite shows!), thinking about how inspirational these people are, I realized that working for Thrive gives me the opportunity to be just as inspirational to people I meet here in Rome! WOW! That is such a blessing! The thought that people are watching me change my life and it is making them want to change theirs just blows my mind! OK, maybe no one is feeling like that yet, but they will!

I have been in training for about a week and a half and so much more is starting to make sense to me! I lost 19 pounds with WW, but my clothes didn't get any loser...then I started Thrive and have lost 14.4 pounds and have lost at least one pants size, almost two. This is because I did not change my eating habits with WW and it caused my body to burn muscle...with Thrive I have trained my body to burn body fat and THAT is what is making my clothes fit better! It's amazing!

I have been dragging my feet and having some blow it days...I think it's time to put it into overdrive and get this weight off! I am so ready to start looking and feeling even better!

Hope you have a wonderful day...I know I am!

Good morning all!

2009-08-29T05:28:00.001-07:00

Wow, what a rough few days! Between the stomach virus that ravaged its way through my family, my 2 year old daughter slicing her foot and ending up in the ER needing stitches Wednesday night and ending up in the ER myself last night, I must say that this is not a week I particularly care to repeat!

That said, though, I went to Thrive yesterday and THAT went great! :) First of all, I had my WI and for my weeks 3&4 together I lost 5.4 pounds! YAY ME! That brings me up 11.2 pounds lost in my first 4 weeks of Thrive and added to the weight I already lost with WW I have now lost 30.2 pounds! WOW! With this WI I not only topped 30 pounds lost, but I also blew my first 10% loss out of the water! I am beyond thrilled. At some point soon, I hope to be able to see a difference in my body...but it will come! Depending on how much weight I end up deciding to lose, I am between 1/4 and 1/3 of the way there!

I have also been given a WONDERFUL opportunity to help people that are in the same situation that I am currently in, and who are where I was before I found Thrive, and I am beyond excited at the thought of being able to help people! I know a lot of people read my blog, and this way I hope that my story will help show people that YOU CAN DO IT!

My Thriving FB Buddy JR (whose name I won't post cause I didn't ask her permission, LOL!) and I have decided to start our own personal "challenge" that is going to last for the next month. She has an event to attend out of state on September 26 and that is my mother's birthday and the day that I have a "blow it" actually planned. Between now and then our challenge is to have no blow it days and for me to get in all my water. I am excited about it and hope that anyone who reads this and wants to join in with us, contact me! I am going to put our stats here on my blog if she will agree to it, so that I can look back on it when I feel the need. I think this is just what I need to kick start my weight loss and get it where it should (could?) be!

Enough for now...and my thought for today is that today I will choose to eat to live, not live to eat!

Where am I now?

2009-08-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

I just realized that it's been a while since I updated my blog, and since I'm at home sick today, it's as good a time as any I guess.

I am still doing Thrive and enjoying it. My first week I lost 5 pounds, but my second week, I only lost .8...this might be why I haven't been updating...I was so very disappointed. If I were to guess, I would assume that I had such a bad loss because I haven't been getting my water in. I have had a terrible cold and sore throat and drinking just hasn't been at the top of my list of fun things to do.

I didn't make it to WI last week because, well, it just didn't happen. I had a lot of things going on and the time wasn't there...and if I'm being absolutely honest with myself, it's also because my scale wasn't showing any kind of a loss for my 3rd week on Thrive, and I couldn't bear that to be my official 3rd WI.

I've had a great Thrive week, even getting in my water, then woke up with a stomach virus. I shouldn't complain, because I'm the 4th person in my household to have it this week, but still...this is my blog and I wanna complain and whine. So today I haven't been able to eat hardly at all...and what I have eaten is not Thrive-approved. It stinks to have a blow it day because I'm sick and could only think of a certain cereal to eat, but it is what it is. I have to get better before I can worry about my eating.

I just pray for a loss this week...it is a 2 week loss, and I don't know how I will handle it if I lose another .8! I know I shouldn't focus on the numbers, but on the fact that I feel so much better now than I did...but I can't help it.

Crossing my fingers for a decent loss!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

2009-08-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am going to re-post my original 100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds...I have some new followers who may not have seen it, and besides, it's always good to look at your "why" again!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.
97. To wear low waisted jeans.
96. To go jogging with my boys.
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.
87. So I don't get diabetes.
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.
81. So people will want to take my picture.
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!
16. To finally wear shorts again.
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.
3. I want to grow old with my husband.
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st Thrive Weigh-In

2009-08-08T12:15:00.001-07:00

I have officially completed my first week as a member of Thrive Weightloss...and I lost 5 POUNDS!!! I am beyond thrilled! I have now lost 24 pounds since April. I won't mention how many more to go, cause I'm not focusing on that right now. But I am one pound shy of having lost 10% of my body weight! And I'm a pretty damn fat chick, so that's a good bit of weight, y'all! :)

What have I learned after a week on Thrive?

(1) If you eat enough protein, it keeps you from getting hungry between meals.
(2) I don't really NEED a coke to get me through the day.
(3) If you follow the program, you lose weight in your stomach and you can, indeed, feel a difference in your clothes in just a weeks time. (WOW!)
(4) I truly CAN live without white bread, butter and white sugar. I have loved ON those things for so long I didn't think I could do without them...but I CAN!
(5) It's ok to have a "blow-it" day every so often.
(6) I feel better today than I have in a long time.
(7) Since I am eating better, I know I am getting healthier.
(8) I have a "pretty face" now andI'm gonna be a freakin knockout in a few months, LOL!!!

My struggle seems to be getting my water in every day. I chose to "blow it" today and will start Thriving again tomorrow...the deal I made with myself is that if I chose to "blow it" today, I would make sure to get my water in every day this week. I can do that. :)

Hope everyone is having a great day...I know I am!

J

A shameless plug...

2009-08-06T09:00:00.001-07:00

If you enjoy sarcastic humor at its best, check out my new link to the right...Death Metal Mommy Yodels the Blues. She is hilarious!

(and yes, she is my sister and I am "The Chicken" mentioned in her blogs.)

Thrive: 2nd Day

2009-08-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

I am on my 2nd day of Thrive and feel like I've been hit by a bus! Mom said I'm probably in withdrawal from sugar and white flour...she's probably right. That's been the basis of my diet my entire life. I've got a lingering headache and am just exhausted...but it should pass by the end of the week.

Eating like this is definitely going to take some getting used to. I am supposed to have a lean protein and a fibrous carb for breakfast...like egg beaters and double fiber wheat toast or something to that effect...but I don't like breakfast! So this is the 2nd day in a row that I've had a Thrive-approved protein bar. They are yummy! It might slow down my losses somewhat, but I'd rather do that than force down eggs and yak them right back up, LOL!

The first week on Thrive you are supposed to eat mainly lean proteins and fibrous carbs. Switching to chicken from mainly red meat has been definitely different. I think that once we get some meal combinations down, this will fall into place. Tonight we are having bbq chicken, green beans and salad with romaine, spinach and brocolli. I *think* that is acceptable.

Hubby is doing this with me and seems to think that he is starving to death. I'm trying to make him understand that it's not that he's starving, it's that his body is trying to get used to eating smaller portions of healthier food. When you're used to eating a big mac meal with large fries and a large coke, chased with a crispy chicken sandwich, yes, you may feel a little different when you finish 2 chicken wraps on high fiber tortillas!

I would so love to see a good loss this week, but as my mother pointed out, I have been doing WW for a few weeks so this is not technically my first week of trying to lose weight, so I probably can't expect a 5 pounds weightloss like so many have their first week on Thrive. Ah well, I can still hope!

A change.

2009-08-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

As anyone who reads my blog will know, I have greatly struggled the past few weeks of Weight Watchers. It has gotten so that my favorite thing about WW has become my downfall. I always thought that WW was great because I could eat anything, as long as I had the points for it. However, it had become with me that WW was great because I could eat anything. Period. So when my pre-paid 10 week membership was up, I did not renew it. This makes me sad because I have made great friends at WW...friends that I don't want to lose...but I also can't afford to keep attending meetings when I'm not losing weight.

A few weeks ago, I had someone contact me via Facebook. She has read my blog and saw my WW struggles. She told me that she is a Thrive instructor. For those who don't live around NWGA, Thrive is a weight loss/lifestyle change that Travis Martin (a local man) has come up with. (www.thriveweightloss.com) There are people all over the area losing lots of weight and getting healthy. My mother is one of those. Let me tell you a bit about my mother...for as long as I can remember, she has been trying one diet or another. She may do Atkins, she may do Nutri-System, she may try WW, she may be a vegetarian. But she just could not get the weight off. After talking about trying Thrive, she bit the bullet at the end of April and joined. Now after 3 months, she has lost 22 pounds and gone from a size 20 to a size 14/16. She looks wonderful and says that she feels great.

After much soul searching, I decided to join Thrive. I had my first meeting last night and did my 2+ hour grocery tour today. I have already learned a lot, and will officially start tomorrow. One of the best things about this is that my husband has also said that he wants to do this with me. He needs it even more than I do, which makes it worth the money to learn the program.

So I am still around, and will be updating you on my Thrive progress. :)

OK, feeling a little better...

2009-07-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

I weighed at my mother's house earlier today and was down a little over 4 pounds. Her scale is usually right on with my WW scale. By her scale I was down 3 pounds on Thursday, so this is right on track. I'm thinking that there may have been a problem with the scale at WW...don't know what, but it could be. And if it makes me feel better, then I will believe it! :) It doesn't really matter, cause it should show at next week's WI, which I am already looking forward to.

So I'm feeling a bit better and not quite as down on myself.

I'm still here...

2009-07-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

Just trying to deal with some frustration and disappointment. In the past 2 weeks I have managed to lose .8 pounds. Yes, that is the total of 2 weeks. Actually it's worse than that...I am still .2 ABOVE my lowest weight of a month ago. So technically it's as if this past month didn't even happen, weight-wise, with the exception of the money I'm out. Last week I was glad to have lost anything...it wasn't a great week. This week, however, was great. Sun, Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur and Fri absolutely within points and good choices made. And another lousy .4 pounds. Please don't respond to me that any loss is a good loss...I know all of that. But when you weigh as much as I do, .4 is NOTHING...especially after a great week. Everyone else around me is losing 2 to 3 pounds a week like it's NOTHING and I am struggling to get back to where I was a month ago.

I hate when I start feeling like this. Sometimes I swear that if my insurance covered gastric bypass I'd make an appointment today. :(

Dessert Time ~ sharing a few of my favorite recipes!

2009-06-24T21:38:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I am "the" dessert queen! I figured that I would share a few of my favorite WW sweet recipes...they are ones that I've seen around for years, so anyone who has done WW before will probably have them. Others may not, and it is for them that I am posting them!

Soo...without further ado, here are a few of my favorite re-vamped sweet recipes that help me through the times when I absolutely *have* to have something sweet!

Diet Coke Cake
points depend on your cake mix...most are 4pts for 1/12 of recipe.

1 cake mix
1 can diet drink
1 egg white or 1/4c egg substitute

Mix the cake mix, diet drink and egg together with electric mixer. Pour into Pam-sprayed cake pan (9x13, cupcakes, bundt). Cook at 325 until done. My 9x13 took only 20 minutes. You will have to watch it closely the first time you make it...it cookes much quicker than a regular cake. Allow to cool completely before cutting. You can frost with ff cool whip if you like, or a light glaze of powdered sugar and water.

Possible combinations:

chocolate cake and Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper
yellow cake and Diet Sierra Mist or Diet Peach Diet Rite
orange cake and Diet Sierra Mist
strawberry cake and Diet Strawberry Diet Rite

The possibilities are endless!

Ice Cream Sandwiches
1 point each

1 whole reduced fat graham cracker, broken into 2 pieces
2 tbsp fat free cool whip

Sandwich the cool whip between the graham crackers. Wrap in saran wrap and place in the freezer.

Crustless Strawberry Pie
6 servings, 1 point each

4 cups sliced strawberries
2 cups water
1 small box (4 servings) Jell-O sugar free cook and serve pudding
1 small box (4 servings) sugar-free strawberry Jell-O

Mix water and pudding in large bowl.
Place in microwave for about 6 minutes until mixture comes to a bowl, stirring with wire whisk after 3 minutes.
Remove and add jello, set aside to cool. Place sliced strawberries in a 9" pie dish. Pour cooled pudding mixture over top of strawberries. Refrigerate until firm - about two hours. Cut into 6 slices. Top each slice with 2 Tbsp. fat free cool whip.

Chocolate Hazelnut Biscotti
1 point each, makes 4 1/2 dozen

2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips
2 large eggs
2 large egg whites
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
1 teaspoon vanilla or chocolate extract
1 teaspoon instant coffee powder
1/2 cup toasted and skinned hazelnuts

Glaze:

1 large egg white beaten with 1 teaspoon water

Preheat oven to 350º.

Lightly coat large baking sheet with cooking spray.
In large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt, until blended. Stir in chocolate chips.
In a medium bowl, whisk together whole eggs, egg whites, zest, extract, and coffee powder, until powder dissolves. Add to flour mixture along with nuts. With wooden spoon, work wet ingredients into dry ingredients until combined (dough will be sticky).
Divide dough in half.
With lightly floured hands and on lightly floured surface, roll one half of dough into 14 inch long rope, then transfer to prepared baking sheet.
Flatten rope to 1 3/4 inch width.
Roll remaining dough into another 14 inch rope, place 3 to 4 inches away from first rope, and then flatten.
Brush ropes with glaze.
Bake in 350º oven until firm to the touch, 24 to 26 minutes.
Remove from oven and let cool 2 minutes on baking sheet. Leave oven on. Slide loaves onto cutting board.
With serrated knife, cut loaves diagonally into 1/2 inch thick slices.
Discard ends.
Place slices, cut sides down, back on baking sheet (they can touch).
Bake until dry, another 15 minutes, turning biscotti over after 7 minutes.
Let cool completely on wire rack.
Store in airtight container at room temperature for up to several days.

It's me. :)

2009-06-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the emails and PM's I got about my last post...I appreciate it more than you know. I think I just need to grow a thicker skin...but when someone calls your child a brat, it's hard to just sit back and laugh.

As most can tell, I have had a rough few weeks...I am proud to say that I am back on track though. :) I went to my WW meeting last Saturday but didn't weigh in...it was easier to not know how much I gained this time, LOL...I am working on my 3rd day eating right and am definitely feeling better. I am fighting the cravings, which is not easy, but I'm doing it. I am going to WI this Saturday...I still expect a gain, but it won't be nearly as bad as it woulda been had I weighed in last week.

When I started WW the first time WAAAAAAY back when, I read about the BCB (BootCampBuddies)...it was a WW support group that was militant on their plans...24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. No excuses. It was too much for me back then...but after lurking and reading for a while I decided yesterday to join them. I think that's the kind of thing I need...a kick in the butt when I mess up instead of "oh, you can start again tomorrow, it's ok"...so we'll see how that works.

I am going to get dh to take some "before" pics of me...they won't see the light of day until I get a good one to compare to, but at least they can sit in my camera.

Hope everyone has a great day!!!

Sad. :(

2009-06-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

This has nothing to do with weight loss, but I needed to "talk" something out.

I hope that everyone who reads this knows that anything you type on the internet has the possibility of being read by everyone in the world, including the person/people that you wrote it about. In this day and age, I don't understand WHY someone would post a blog or story about someone online and assume that the person it was about won't see it/read it.

I just ran upon something that someone very close to me wrote about the way I raise my children, and I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Fine, you don't agree with the way I do things, that's your prerogative...but that doesn't give you the right to make me out to be a bad mother. There are plenty of things I can say about plenty of mothers that I don't agree with (including the person who criticized me), but I won't do that, because it's none of my business. I know I'm not perfect and feel that unless you are, you have no right talking about the way I do things. I wish this person felt the same way, because I am very hurt and feel betrayed by someone I thought I could trust.

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle

2009-06-18T10:22:00.001-07:00

I'm at that point. The one where I always give up and go back to eating like I was and gain back 150% of the weight I already lost. You would think that with doing a 5K I would be eating really well and be working toward my next goal.

I'm not.

I have been eating crap again, but am not going to keep going. I've said all along that this is the time I would get this weight off for good and I'll be damned if I'm gonna go back on that.

It's going to be back to basics for me.

(1) Drink water. Lots of water. Nothing but water.
(2) Figure points for favorite recipes.
(3) JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL!!!!

Not journaling has been my problem this time around. As long as I've been doing WW I should have lost twice what I have, but I have only been doing it half-assed. If I seriously get into it and try, I could lose a lot more than I currently have been.

I have a pair of pants I want to fit into as a short term goal. I am going to take a pic of me (attempting to) wear them today, and again every few weeks until they fit...then will find something else to focus on. Once they fit I will post pics, and not before, LOL!

I am getting up and going to WW Saturday morning to get more motivation and get these pounds moving again.

:)

This Fat Chick did a 5K!

2009-06-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

That's right, I managed to drag myself 3.1 miles. I wondered several times if I was going to make it, but I just kept on keeping on and finished! I was one of the last 5 to finish, but you know what, it didn't matter! I FREAKIN FINISHED IT! My sister (DeathMetalMommy ~ her blog is linked to the right) finished around 45 minutes...my mother was about 50 minutes, and I brought up the rear at one hour and some odd seconds.

A friend of mine was the paramedic riding along with the racers/walkers/crawlers/limpers...he kept checking in with me. I think they were more worried about the fat chick making it than the 92 year old man who was behind me, LOL...to be honest, though, so was I!! A group of about 9 friends from WW showed up and walked together...they were all much faster than I was, but wonderful people that they are, they circled back around to where I was after they finished and walked me in to the finish line. It felt so good...though I think most of that was that it was OVER, LOL!

I am definitely going to keep doing these...I felt such a sense of accomplishment afterward, and I am so proud of myself.

Some of the girls are talking about doing the Clocktower Run in August. We'll see about that!!!

Is that ME?

2009-06-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

I caught a glimpse yesterday of a different me...not the lumpy, dumpy, unattractive person I have felt like for so long, but like the beautiful, self-confident person I am becoming.

When I look in the mirror, I am always prettier than I am in pictures. That's just how it works...I don't know what a camera does to me, but it definitely makes me unattractive, LOL! Yesterday though, as I put my makeup on, I realized that, while I still have a LONG way to go, my face is thinner. Instead of all the chins and fat, I saw my big blue eyes and a hint of cheekbones. It was a bit of a shock and made me put down the makeup brush and look at myself.

My face isn't the only change...I also noticed this week that I am getting my shape back...a shape other than round blob! My waist is smaller and I am taking on more of an hourglass shape. For "normal" people, this is no big deal and probably seems a bit stupid, but for people who are overweight or obese, you know this is a huge thing.

It's amazing to me that I can see these difference with only 19 pounds gone...what will another 19 pounds gone bring???

Life is good.

It's gonna be a good week, tater...

2009-05-31T08:10:00.001-07:00

drum roll please....

daddaddadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada

I lost 3 pounds this week! YAY ME! This puts me at 19.4 pounds lost. It has taken me a while to lose it, but hopefully that means I will be more likely to keep it off. This is the first week that I really feel that I am losing weight. It feels really good.
:)

We are down to less than 2 weeks until the 5K...again I am just hoping I can finish it! I don't walk fast, and can't run much...so I may end up walking alone, but I guess that's ok too. I don't want to slow down the group that is walking with me.

Next week I plan to get my 20 pound star...I am not going to be able to hit the 25 pound goal by the race that I had set for myself, but I will come pretty close I think.

I am already planning to sign up for the 1st Annual Turkey Trot in Rome, GA for this November. I plan to be 50 pounds down and wearing a L shirt by then. Definitely do-able...30 pounds in 5 months. :)

Here's to a great week, all around!

Update on me. :)

2009-05-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I never came in and reported how my WI went last week. After how upset I was over my eating, I somehow managed a .2 loss! Yes, a loss. I can only figure it one way...the previous week I was up when I should've been down. That good week must've caught up with the bad week and turned it around for me.

This has been a really good week, and I am feeling really good. Walked Mon and Tue so far, hoping to walk tonight too. I am beginning to doubt whether I can make my 5K or not...I am struggling to keep up with my mother when we walk and can barely make it 2 miles, and THAT takes 40 minutes! I dread being the last person to cross the finish line at the race...but I guess finishing last is still finishing, right?

I'm going to own it.

2009-05-15T20:01:00.001-07:00

I have had a crap week. I have already gone into this. My plan has been to go to WW in the morning and use a "no weigh in" pass. Get back on track and weigh next week. I have thought long and hard about it and finally decided that I HAVE to get up on that scale in the morning. I have to see what damage I caused this week. Otherwise I'm afraid it might be too easy for me to decide that I didn't do *that* bad this week, and start next week the same way. This way, I know what I did and how it effects me.

I chose to eat. I chose to eat crap. I have to own that.

Just hoping it's not too bad!

2009-05-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Still struggling...but still here!

2009-05-15T08:47:00.001-07:00

I swear this has been the week from hell for me! I have eaten crap every single day. But you know why I have eaten crap? Because I BOUGHT crap! I am obviously not at the point that I can have so-called "treats" in my house and resist them. I am going to have to get back to basics and just push forward.

I am going to go to my WW meeting tomorrow, though I am not going to weigh-in. I need the motivation that my wonderful leader offers, without the self-disgust that will come with a gain that I know I caused and could have prevented.

Gotta go to the store and get apples and oranges and better for me stuff later today.

It's a great day to start again!

What am I doing?!

2009-05-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am at that point. You know the one...it's where you decide that the weight is coming off so slowly and it's okay to go ahead and eat crap. Why on earth would anyone with a lick of sense make that kind of ridiculous, conscious decision?

Yes, today I had two 2 twinkie-like-red velvet-cream-filled-thingies...180 calories and 10 grams of fat EACH. 4 points each of sugary poison. Yes, sugary, delicious poison, but poison all the same.

It has taken me 10 weeks to lose 15 pounds. Officially it isn't even 15 pounds, cause I gained .8 this week. I have to come up with $100 more to buy another 10 weeks to WW, and I am getting concerned that the weight isn't going to come off. It would if I were OP the whole time, but I am being loose with my eating on Saturday and Sunday, and stretching over to Monday and, apparently after today, Tuesday as well. Why am I doing this? I know that part of my problem is that I have stopped journaling. Why? It's so stupid. I know that it will help things to "click", and yet I am not doing it.

I need a good kick in the butt, so if anyone is still reading this, hop on here and help me out. Give me whatfor and help me get back to the right frame of mind please!

Weigh In Number 8

2009-05-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

drum roll please...

I LOST! YAY! I lost .6 pounds! That took me to 15.2 pounds gone! YAY! I got another star at WW. It felt so good to know that I managed to lose even when I expected to gain. I now have less than 10 pounds to go until my 5K and no doubt that I can do it!

Expect to gain tomorrow...

2009-05-01T09:37:00.001-07:00

Yes, I have not had a great food week. Not only that, but I started exercising this week. Walking. In the past, the weeks that I add exercise to my days, I have had a gain at the scale. Makes no sense, but it has happened, so I am preparing myself for a gain. At least this way, if I do manage to lose, I will be surprised, LOL!

I haven't had a free for all or anything with food this week, but it has been far from perfect. I have really enjoyed adding the walking to my days though...it makes me feel so good! Well, makes me feel good AFTER! LOL...let's face it, it's the stopping after walking that makes it feel good, at least to this fat chick!

I only like .4 to hit my 15 pound mark and get another star. I would SO love to do this this week, but don't know that it is possible. No big deal though...loss or gain, I will keep on keeping on. Cause I like me these days, and this is a big part of it.

Til tomorrow!

Weigh In Number 8

2009-04-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah baby!

I lost 2 pounds this week! I am so excited to see this weight coming off like it is! I am only 10.6 pounds away from my 5K goal, and I have 6 weeks to get it off. I can SO do that! Knowing that I am on course to meet my goal feels so good!

Every day I am noticing something different...whether it's how much better my clothes fit to how I am eating less and making better choices. I truly do feel that this is the time it is going to work. This time I am losing the weight and feeling good.

Tomorrow is my first training walk with my WW members...if any show up! My son wants to walk with me, which is good cause he is a little chubby, and my mom is going too. I hope she goes ahead and signs up for the 5K so she knows she has to walk every day too!

At my WW meeting this week I got my 5% star. That's right...I have lost 5% of my body weight! For a lot of people 5% isn't very much...but when you start out as big as I did, that 5% is AWESOME! This week I plan to get my next 5lb star and start working toward my next big accomplishment ~ 10% gone!

Life is good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weigh In Number 7

2009-04-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

Another week, another 1.6 pounds down! The weight is coming off slowly, but surely.

This week at WW, we discussed the new program that WW has joined in with Active.com to promote. They want everyone to participate in a 5K! They are giving a $20 value of training activities on active.com to all WW members. This is GREAT for me, as I am already signed up for a 5K in June. The timing couldn't be more perfect. I volunteered to be a team leader to volunteer to be at a walking venue one day a week at a certain time to coordinate WW members to walk together. I don't know if anyone will show up, but it will get my butt outta the house and to the park to walk!

My goal is 2.4 pounds this week...I want to hit 15 pounds gone this week. Definitely do-able...just gotta get my water in!

Weigh In Number 6 ~ and Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

In my week number 6 weigh in I lost another 1.6 pounds. YAY ME! This brings me to 11 pounds.

I will be honest, just as I said in my meeting yesterday, I am a bit disappointed that the weight isn't coming off any faster than it is. I figured that with me being the size of a large whale that it would come off much quicker. (OK, an exaggeration...maybe a small whale.)
;)

That said, I know that I am not following my plan 100%. I am eating more on weekends after WI than I should, and not always getting back on track until Monday. I know that if I did it as I should, I would be losing faster.

My goal this week is to lose 2 pounds...that will put me at 5% of my total body weight gone. 5%! That's huge! Well, it's huge if you are as big as I am, LOL...

That said...yes, I talk bad about myself. Know, though, that it is all in fun, and I am smiling as I do it. Just as I refer to the clothes stores I have to shop in as "fat chick stores" or the plus size sections as "fat chick sizes"...that's just me!

Even six weeks into this, I still feel like I am going to do it this time. This is the time that I conquer my weight once and for all.

Happy Easter to all! I hope you had a wonderful day with your families...and that your extended family visiting went better than mine, LOL...I got my feelings hurt, yet again...I have to get thicker skin I guess.

Off to fold clothes and take a nap...hubby is out with the kiddos for a while this afternoon.

Until next time...

Gastric Bypass...mixed ramblings!

2009-04-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

I found out today that one of my oldest friends has finally, after fighting for 3 years, been approved by her insurance to have gastric bypass. Her surgery is scheduled for April 27th, just a few weeks from now. I am very happy for her, because I know that this is something that she has wanted for a long time. She, like me, has struggled with her weight for her entire life.

I know of several people who have had gastric bypass. One had it 7 or 8 years ago, lost a ton of weight, got pregnant and gained some back, but then lost it again and is still at her ideal weight. One had it several years ago, lost nowhere near what she should have, then gained every bit of it, plus more, back without ever really seeing any positive difference in her health. And two more who have lost over 150 pounds on it and are loving their new lives. A cousin of my husband even works in the office of the local bariatric surgeon, after having lost half of her body weight following the surgery.

I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't considered gastric bypass. Seriously considered it, in fact. I have gone back and forth in my mind (and on pro and con lists on paper, LOL) for years about whether I think that GB would work for me. Would I lose weight? Yes, I know I would. But would I keep it off? This is where I am not sure. Unless I am able to work through why I eat and conquer that, there is no way I could keep the weight off. And if I am able to change the way I eat in order to make the surgery a success, why can't I just go ahead and change my way of eating and lose the weight without the surgery?

For now, my insurance doesn't cover bariatric surgery, so this isn't even an option for me. However I can't swear that if it does cover it in the future that I won't look into it more seriously. In the meantime, however, I am going to keep on keeping on, and hopefully by the time this surgery becomes possible, I won't need it anymore anyway.

I don't know if you read my blog or not Alicia, but I love you girl, and wish you all the luck in the world on your new journey! I'm here if you need me for anything, and will be with you every step of the way.

Weigh In Number 5

2009-04-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Alright...

I lost...

...drum roll please...

3 pounds!

Yep, that same 3 pounds that I gained last week. YAY ME! In a way I am disgusted with myself, because I am back where I was 2 weeks ago. Like this past 2 weeks was just a waste and they cancel each other out, LOL...that said, in the past it has taken me several weeks to recover from a gain like this, so the fact that I have been able to do it so quickly is a good thing.

Next week I am going to try my hardest to lose 3.6lbs. If I can do that, I will hit my 5% weight loss. For most people, this isn't a big deal, but when you are a fat chick like I am, 5% is HUGE! Just losing that amount will lower my risks for many, many diseases, not to mention high blood pressure.

Just knowing that I am making better choices with each meal makes me feel better. I truly think that my WW leader is awesome, and that makes the meetings so much better for me. I trust Angie and know that she is teaching me tools that will help me make the best decisions that I can make in my day to day life.

I am working on my low points Easter dinner contributions now...if anyone is reading this and has any ideas, please comment!

On another subject...several people have come up to me on the street this past week and mentioned that they saw my blog online and were keeping up with me and seeing how I am doing. Thank you so much, y'all! For those that don't know, my blog is linked from the site RomeNewsWire.com, and local people can keep up with me. If you see me out, definitely let me know that you are reading my blog! It makes me feel good, and helps keep me accountable to know that people are keeping an eye on my progress!

Good night, all! It's after 1am and this fat chick is tired!

Why this week was a success...

2009-04-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

Before I even go to WI, I wanted to say why I think this week has been a success.

1.) I have had at least 48oz of water each day this week.

2.) I fixed muffins for my daughter and I didn't eat them.

3.) We hit a drive thru last night and I had a kids' meal. Great for me? No. But much better than what I would have normally gotten.

4.) I had extra cookies sitting around all week...I took one and froze the rest.

5.) My sister had a baby on April 1st. I have a beautiful new baby nephew! (this has nothing to do with WW, but I had to mention it!)

Am I saying I will lose a lot? No. I have no idea what the scale is going to do...but regardless I know I have had a good week.

:)

Weigh In Number 4

2009-03-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

This week I gained. But I knew that I would. And I am actually okay with that, because I know why I gained, and I went to WW anyway, even knowing that I was going to show a gain. When I have done WW in the past, if I knew I was going to have a gain, I would just skip the WI. By doing that, I was almost giving myself a pass to go another day...or two...or ten without getting back OP.

I went to my meeting, weighed in, and stayed for the meeting. My leader is so motivating, and I am feeling really good about this week. It's all good!

Rough week...

2009-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

I have NOT had a good week food-wise. What I have eaten isn't a drop in the bucket compared to what I was eating before I started WW, but I have definitely NOT been OP this week. It figures...I get within .6 of hitting my first 10 pounds gone, and screw up. It is sooo tempting to skip WI this week just so it doesn't show a gain, but then again, if I do that, it's like giving myself the rest of the week to eat crap, and that just won't work. I know how I work ~ if I give myself free reign to eat for 2 days, I will turn it into 2 weeks. Or months. Or years.

Soooo...even though I expect a gain, I am going to force myself to WI. I need to listen to my WW leader and get back in the right frame of mind. I am glad I started typing this...it helped make my decision. I am going to be OP and eat light today and tomorrow, in hopes of keeping the gain to a minimum.

GO ME! :)

Weigh In Number 3

2009-03-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

I am down 4 pounds this week! YAY ME! This makes up for the measly .4 I had last week. Not only that, but I was wearing blue jeans this week, unlike last week. I was also wearing flip flops and almost froze my piggies off, but ah well, that's the price I have to pay, LOL!

I had a rough weekend last week, because of the food I ate at the baby shower, which snowballed to an entire weekend of crap eating, but I caught myself and straightened up for the rest of the week.

That said, I do have to admit that I didn't eat supper last night...not on purpose though! I was working on something and didn't notice the time! By the time I got a chance to eat it was 10:30 and I was NOT about to eat something that late and have it just sitting there at WI today!

I am well on my way to my 5K goal, as you can see above! Next week I *should* hit 10 pounds gone at WW and get another star for my bookmark. YAY!

Here's to an awesome week, everyone!

Weigh In Number 2

2009-03-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, here it is. I want to lose 25 pounds before my 5K. It's doable. Difficult but doable. I think it will help me to have a goal, and a public one, as well. My 5K is 3 months from now...so an average of 2.5lbs a week will get me there.

On to my weight loss...yes, loss. A whole .4...not great, by any stretch of the imagination, but a loss the same. I think that may actually be because of the different pants I wore, but who cares? LOL! I know I had a good week, so I did well, even if the scale didn't show it this week.

Oh the dreaded weigh in...

2009-03-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned before, I have done WW before. Joined up probably more times than I can count. Made it past week 2 or 3 before having a bad week and refusing to go back. This week has not been hard. At all. In fact, I have pretty much flown right through it. But then I stepped up on my mother's scale a few nights ago and was back where I started the first weigh in. Yep, I was back UP 5 pounds. I know, of course, that all scales are different, and that it isn't likely that this is what the WW scale will show, but it still throws a caution flag up in the back of my mind. Am I SURE I had a good week? Did I slip in extra calories without realizing it? Am I getting up in my sleep and stuffing my face with anything I can find in the refrigerator? Or is her scale just amazingly different from the one at WW? What if I get up on that scale in the morning and the little lady just looks at the scale, nods, writes down the number and then hands me back my book? I know then that there is a gain. I don't think I can handle a gain in my 2nd week. I shouldn't have a gain in my 2nd week. I didn't realize how much it was bothering me until I started typing here...I think I really am freaked out!

I am a carb junky. Seriously I could live off of bread and potatoes. This is something that in the past I haven't really been able to cut back on...this time around, though, I find myself eating much less bread. I have gone from every single meal (and sometimes in between) to about once a day. I am not even fixing garlic bread with spaghetti anymore. And I am okay with this. Strange. But it is a change that I have needed to make for a long time...a change that I had to be right in my mind to accomplish. And I think I am there.

I just wish I was feeling some sort of difference...in my clothes, in my knees, in the mirror...just somewhere, so that I was more confident about going to WI in the morning.

This week, my goal is...

2009-03-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

to get at least 48oz of water down every day. I struggle with getting ANY water down on a day to day basis, and I know from my past weight loss attempts that if I get my water down I will show a good loss every week.

Why drink water? Here are a few reasons...

Water prevents and cures heartburn
Water jump starts your body (and caffeine doesn’t)
Water helps preserve healthy body weight
Water washes out toxins and other metabolic waste products
Besides pure water, adequate fluid replacement helps to maintain hydration
Women who drink more than five glasses of water a day are 41% less likely to die from a heart attack than those who drink less than two glasses.
Incidence of cancer in the urinary bladder is reduced significantly by a high fluid intake
Water is the nutrient your body needs the most. Between 55 and 75 percent of adult body weight is water.
Water makes your skin healthier

There are plenty of other reasons, but this is all I got right now, LOL!

I'm a loser!

2009-03-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

I had my weigh in this morning for my first week of weight watchers. I had a really good week, stayed in my points every day...but then yesterday I ate more than I should have. I stayed in my points, but I had more carbs than I needed and I also ate late last night, so I wasn't expecting much...so I was shocked to see I had lost

5 POUNDS!!

Yes, 5 pounds. I got my first star this week! For those not familiar with weight watchers, they give you a bookmark, and for every 5 pounds you lose, you get a star sticker to put on it. I am so happy!

I also realized tonight that it is the small steps that matter. Today was my husband's birthday and we went to eat at a The Steakhouse in Rockmart. In the past, I would have thought to myself that it was a special occasion and just eaten whatever I wanted...but tonight I didn't. They bring out breadsticks like Olive Garden's, which I did eat, and then hubby wanted potato skins...since I knew I wanted one of those, instead of getting the steak and fries I wanted, I went with the grilled chicken salad. And for the first time ever in the 15+ years we have been together, he ate more bread than I did! Whoo-hoo for me! So instead of giving in and eating whatever I wanted, I chose what I wanted the most and had it, and kept the rest of the meal low cal.

G'night everyone ~ don't forget to set your clocks forward!

No turning back now!

2009-03-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

OK, I typed a long entry here last night about what I was doing this week and signed on today and it's gone. Just gone. Apparently my computer ate it or something. And since I am not as inspired as I was last night, this will just be a summary of it, LOL...

OK, as for my title of this post...No turning back now...that is because I have officially registered to participate in the Cave Spring Road Race 5K run...er...for me that may be 5k walk...or 5k drag-yourself-over-the-finish-line-and-collapse...Either way, I am going to do it! I am so excited! This is something I have always said I was going to do, and now I am going to finally do it! I may be the very last person over the finish line, with even the 90-year olds passing me, but that's alright with me.

I have now been doing WW for 5 days, and I am doing really well with it. My clothes are already starting to fit better and moving around is better. I am hoping for 5 pounds this week, but not really expecting that much. We shall see! I am working on changing my eating habits...we went to El Alazan to eat Mexican last night and I did pretty good. Usually we share cheese dip and sour cream and then fajitas with multiple flour tortillas and baskets of chips (hey, they're free, right?)...last night I had a soft chicken taco. I added a little sour cream and lots of salsa...and I even kept the lettuce on the taco! (for those who know me, you know what a big deal this is!)

I will weigh in Saturday morning and come report in here. :)

Happy Day to all!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds ~ The Conclusion!

2009-03-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds ~ The Conclusion!

29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.

28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"

27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.

26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.

25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!

24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.

23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.

22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.

21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.

20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.

19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.

18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.

17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!

16. To finally wear shorts again.

15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.

14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.

13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.

12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.

11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.

10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.

9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.

8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.

7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.

6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.

5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).

4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.

3. I want to grow old with my husband.

2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!

1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Saturday!

2009-02-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

I got up this morning EARLY and went to Weight Watchers! YAY ME! I am so proud...I have been trying to make myself do it for weeks. When I was a member before, I weighed in wearing the lightest clothes I could find, took off my jewelry and shoes to weigh and did everything possible to make it seem lighter. This morning, though, I weighed in in jeans and tennis shoes, so that I can wear my normal clothes each week I go. I was shocked at my weight this morning...it was BY FAR the most I have ever weighed, and I am telling myself that all scales are different, and I was wearing more clothes than I usually do...but in reality it doesn't really matter what the starting weight was. It is the last time I will be that weight, and it will show my losses just as well as one that weighed me 20 pounds lighter. So it's all good!

I was really impressed with the WW leader. I had one for years that I really liked, but she was fired a few years ago. I didn't think I would find another one that I liked, but this lady actually seemed more knowledgable, having lost 100 pounds in 2007. The people were super nice and I wasn't shy around them at all...usually I am a shy person in a group setting like that when I know very few people.

I need to go find a ticker to use for my weightloss...when I do I'll post it on here.

Have a great day everyone!

trying out a ticker...

2009-02-25T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am going to put up a ticker countdown to the Cave Spring Road Race...the 5k I plan to run in. I am going to use coolrunning.com's "Couch to 5K in 5 weeks" and see how it goes.

I'm baaaaack!

2009-02-23T06:33:00.001-08:00

Well, I made it through my weekend away. Did I make it to the workout room? No. Did I overeat while gone? No. Not that one makes up for the other, but it's definitely better than not working AND overeating. :)

I shared a room with my sister during my little weekend away, and yesterday we started talking about running. Now, I am a fat chick and fat chicks do NOT run...but it is something I have always, always, always wanted to do. A 5K has always been a dream of mine, but not a realistic one in the past. Now I find out that my sister also wants to do a 5k...now she isn't a fat chick at all, but she IS a relatively round chick, being 8 months pregnant right now. We both have some training to do, but we decided to do a 5K together...sometime after the baby is born and when I am not quite as fat a chick as I currently am.

I got online yesterday and looked for local 5K's and found one I have never heard of before...the Cave Spring Road Race. It takes place on June 13th, which is 4 months away. I don't know if that is enough time to train to be ready for it, but we are dang well gonna try! I may not be able to run the whole thing, but I firmly believe that I can get through it even if she has to drag me over the finish line. (This will be much easier for her to do if I am able to drop a few pounds before then, LOL...) I am so excited to think that I have a goal to work towards...we are going to go ahead and sign up and pay our money too, so that we can't back out.

I plan to go to my first WW meeting Saturday morning and I am so excited I can hardly wait! In four months I could lose around 30 pounds or so if I really put my mind to it, especially when mixed in with walking/running/training to run the 5K.

I can't imagine how it would feel to actually finish a 5K and cross the finish line...the thought is so foreign to me...I don't know what would feel better...finishing a 5K or accomplishing a goal I have made for myself.

I really feel like I can do it this time!

Heading out of town for the weekend...

2009-02-19T19:07:00.001-08:00

I am going to be in Atlanta from Friday to Sunday...eating from a Starbucks and a hotel restaurant. I am not able to plan my meals in advance, so I am just going to make the best choices I can possibly make. The hotel does have a gym, and I plan to hit the treadmill and elliptical while we are gone.

My plan is to join WW next week. I have heard a lot of good things about Thrive Weightloss and would like to try it, but I am not able to afford it.

Have you tried WW? Have you tried Thrive? What did you think? Like I said earlier, I have lost 46lbs on WW before and know it works...but what was your experience?

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds (69-30)

2009-02-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.

To be continued....

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds (79-70)

2009-02-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds (79-70)

79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.

78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.

77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.

76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.

75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!

74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)

73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.

72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!

71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.

70. So I can turn cartwheels again.

To be continued...

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds (89-80)

2009-02-17T19:28:00.000-08:00

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.

88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.

87. So I don't get diabetes.

86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.

85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.

84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!

83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.

82. So I will want to have my picture taken.

81. So people will want to take my picture.

80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.

To be continued...

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds (100-90)

2009-02-17T18:56:00.000-08:00

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.

99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.

98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.

97. To wear low waisted jeans.

96. To go jogging with my boys.

95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.

94. So my daughter will want to look like me.

93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.

92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.

91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.

90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

To be continued...

About me...

2009-02-16T17:11:00.000-08:00

I am a 32 year old mother of three. I have been married to the love of my life for 13 years this year. I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). I have issues keeping a clean house. I have great eyes and hair.

And I am a fat chick.

Of everything I am, good and bad, being a fat chick is what people see when they look at me. They don't see that I am a wonderful mother, or that I could be a great friend to them...they see that I am a fat chick. And I am ready for that to change.

My husband and I have both needed to lose weight for a long time, but a few months ago during routine testing, my husband was diagnosed with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and off the charts triglycerides (over 600 ~ normal is below 200.) Weight loss used to be just a vanity issue, but now it is a health issue. It is no longer an option, but a necessity.

Seven years ago, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 46 pounds...then something happened and in the blink of an eye I had gained back 60 pounds. So here I sit now, needing to lose over 100 pounds to be even close to my ideal weight. DH (dear husband) needs to lose 80-90 pounds. I plan to re-join WW and bring what I learn back home to him.

I plan to use this blog for accountability...to talk about my feelings as I struggle with losing, then maintaining my weight, to share and review recipes and healthier choices at local restaurants.

Please feel free to share recipes or comment...I have a long journey ahead of me!