Monday, April 7, 2014

What an amazing journey!

What a difference a few weeks can make!  Not only in a person physically, but in a person mentally and emotionally. 

Just reading about how I felt following that first workout almost brings me to tears now, 12 weeks later.  I was so unhappy and scared.  Even in my last post, I was still scared.  You know what though?  I'm not scared anymore.  In the last 12 weeks, my body has been through so much.  Bear crawls, flipping 220 pound tires, jogging laps carrying smaller tires, completing a 5k, actually jogging my first entire mile (actually 1.25 miles, and YES, you better believe I'm counting!), burpees, running the hills around the clock tower, pushups, blood & guts, and so many more things that I can't even remember to list.  It has been the most unbelievably hard 12 weeks of my life, physically.  But you know what?  I got through it.  Not only did I get through it, I ENJOYED it.  Yes, I can honestly say that I am looking back over my last 12 weeks in EFM with a huge smile, and maybe even a tear at the thought of it ending.

I have learned so much more than just how to perform exercises over this past 3 months.  I have learned that no matter what you throw at me, no matter how hard it is, I CAN DO IT.  There is nothing that this body can't do.  And here is where the biggest lesson has come into play.  Can I do things faster than you?  Probably not.  Will I finish first?  I can pretty much guarantee that's a no.  But IT DOESN'T MATTER!  That's right.  I'm not competing against Sam or Shayna or Cindy or any of the others.  I'm only competing against myself!  Is it fun finishing after everyone else?  No, but I've also learned that it's not nearly as big a deal as I thought it was to start with.  I know that I am doing it correctly, I am not cheating on my number of reps, and I'm doing it better than I did yesterday.  And THAT'S what matters.  I would far rather be finishing last, knowing that I've done my workout than finishing before others, knowing that I skipped a few reps here and there.  The fear that I felt before workouts fell by the wayside once I realized that there really wasn't anything else that they could throw at me that they hadn't already.  No matter what it is, it's do-able.  It may not be done fast and it may not be look pretty, but by God I CAN DO IT!

Our videographer asked last week if we are happy with where are in our journey.  I had to tell him that I had a split answer.  When I was chosen, on the one hand, I was so excited and hoped to have lost a ton of weight at the end of 12 weeks and look healthy/skinny, even though I knew it wasn't going to happen in just 12 weeks.  On the other hand, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up and that I wouldn't lose weight at all.  Being where I am now, smaller and stronger than I've ever been in my adult life, I can't help but be so proud...but no matter where you are, there's always that little voice reminding you that you could've done better.  I'm getting better at shutting that voice up though.  ;)

Our finale is in about 10 days.  We get to dress up and show everyone how much our bodies have changed.  I have to say that I'm really excited about that.  As a stay at home mom and substitute teacher, dressing up is not something I get to do often.  I'm excited to see what size I fit into now.  I've officially lost 26 pounds, 4% body fat and 30-something inches.  That was as of our last weigh in.  I saw my dr last week and he said I weigh less than I have in the 16 years that I've been seeing him.  It's nice to be congratulated for my weight!

As much weight as I have lost, I have gained so much more!  I have gained a new amazing family of teammates and trainers...people who believe in me!  And that's such a fantastic feeling.  I have gained the knowledge that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.  I have gained self-confidence, something that I have always been seriously lacking.  I have gained the knowledge to train my body to do what I want it to do.  I know now that my body is a lot stronger than my mind ever imagined, and that's a pretty cool thing to realize.

It makes me sad to read my first post about EFM, because I realize just how scared and weak I felt then.  But I hope that when they choose the EFM contestants next year and they go through their first day, come home in tears feeling like a failure, they will search for previous contestants and they will see what I wrote about MY first night.  And that they will then read this and see that it WILL get better.  Next year, Sam and I both hope to be back volunteering with EFM, helping 10 new people get their lives back.  Because that's what EFM has done for us...it gave us our lives back! 

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