Monday, April 7, 2014

What an amazing journey!

What a difference a few weeks can make!  Not only in a person physically, but in a person mentally and emotionally. 

Just reading about how I felt following that first workout almost brings me to tears now, 12 weeks later.  I was so unhappy and scared.  Even in my last post, I was still scared.  You know what though?  I'm not scared anymore.  In the last 12 weeks, my body has been through so much.  Bear crawls, flipping 220 pound tires, jogging laps carrying smaller tires, completing a 5k, actually jogging my first entire mile (actually 1.25 miles, and YES, you better believe I'm counting!), burpees, running the hills around the clock tower, pushups, blood & guts, and so many more things that I can't even remember to list.  It has been the most unbelievably hard 12 weeks of my life, physically.  But you know what?  I got through it.  Not only did I get through it, I ENJOYED it.  Yes, I can honestly say that I am looking back over my last 12 weeks in EFM with a huge smile, and maybe even a tear at the thought of it ending.

I have learned so much more than just how to perform exercises over this past 3 months.  I have learned that no matter what you throw at me, no matter how hard it is, I CAN DO IT.  There is nothing that this body can't do.  And here is where the biggest lesson has come into play.  Can I do things faster than you?  Probably not.  Will I finish first?  I can pretty much guarantee that's a no.  But IT DOESN'T MATTER!  That's right.  I'm not competing against Sam or Shayna or Cindy or any of the others.  I'm only competing against myself!  Is it fun finishing after everyone else?  No, but I've also learned that it's not nearly as big a deal as I thought it was to start with.  I know that I am doing it correctly, I am not cheating on my number of reps, and I'm doing it better than I did yesterday.  And THAT'S what matters.  I would far rather be finishing last, knowing that I've done my workout than finishing before others, knowing that I skipped a few reps here and there.  The fear that I felt before workouts fell by the wayside once I realized that there really wasn't anything else that they could throw at me that they hadn't already.  No matter what it is, it's do-able.  It may not be done fast and it may not be look pretty, but by God I CAN DO IT!

Our videographer asked last week if we are happy with where are in our journey.  I had to tell him that I had a split answer.  When I was chosen, on the one hand, I was so excited and hoped to have lost a ton of weight at the end of 12 weeks and look healthy/skinny, even though I knew it wasn't going to happen in just 12 weeks.  On the other hand, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up and that I wouldn't lose weight at all.  Being where I am now, smaller and stronger than I've ever been in my adult life, I can't help but be so proud...but no matter where you are, there's always that little voice reminding you that you could've done better.  I'm getting better at shutting that voice up though.  ;)

Our finale is in about 10 days.  We get to dress up and show everyone how much our bodies have changed.  I have to say that I'm really excited about that.  As a stay at home mom and substitute teacher, dressing up is not something I get to do often.  I'm excited to see what size I fit into now.  I've officially lost 26 pounds, 4% body fat and 30-something inches.  That was as of our last weigh in.  I saw my dr last week and he said I weigh less than I have in the 16 years that I've been seeing him.  It's nice to be congratulated for my weight!

As much weight as I have lost, I have gained so much more!  I have gained a new amazing family of teammates and trainers...people who believe in me!  And that's such a fantastic feeling.  I have gained the knowledge that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was.  I have gained self-confidence, something that I have always been seriously lacking.  I have gained the knowledge to train my body to do what I want it to do.  I know now that my body is a lot stronger than my mind ever imagined, and that's a pretty cool thing to realize.

It makes me sad to read my first post about EFM, because I realize just how scared and weak I felt then.  But I hope that when they choose the EFM contestants next year and they go through their first day, come home in tears feeling like a failure, they will search for previous contestants and they will see what I wrote about MY first night.  And that they will then read this and see that it WILL get better.  Next year, Sam and I both hope to be back volunteering with EFM, helping 10 new people get their lives back.  Because that's what EFM has done for us...it gave us our lives back! 

Monday, February 3, 2014

3 weeks down, the rest of my life to go!

Yes, we have finished three weeks of EFM.  Sort of.  I say sort of because we only went two days in week three because of snow, so those other days are being tacked on at the end, but that's all good.  And yes, expect this blog to be very wordy, because there's a lot to be said about the last 3 weeks.  :) 

I know I said I was going to update on a regular basis here on my blog, but honestly I haven't had the time.  It's been super stressful around here lately, though I guess that can be said for anyone, anywhere.

I'm sure you are curious as to whether my opinion of the EFM has changed.  Well, yes and no.  Is it still hard?  Oh hell yeah.  We still go from the minute we walk in the gym until the hour (and sometimes more) is over.  I still struggle with doing the bear crawl.  I must brag that just two short weeks after the terrible experience I described in my last blog entry, I completed 6 bear crawls, each the length of the one I struggled with so terribly.  It took me longer than everyone else in the gym, I struggled more with it than everyone else in the gym, but you know what?  I DID IT.  While I was doing it, I was feeling terrible, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well, wondering why I couldn't do what everyone else seemed to find so easy.  I felt like the weak link of a chain that is getting stronger by the day.  But then you know what?  When my husband and Brian got down on all 4's on either side of me to finish my last one with me, and as my friends cheered for me as I finished with that last crawl,  I realized that I was thinking about it all wrong.  Yes, I struggle with bear crawl.  But you know what?  Sam struggles with hip thrusts while balancing his feet on a medicine ball.  And every single other person in that gym struggles with something too.  And when they are taking longer than the rest of us, or struggling to get their last few reps, I don't look at them with disdain and think how weak they are...I look at them with awe and respect and love and think of how freakin proud I am of them for pushing through and getting it done!  I cheer them on to finish what they are doing, and then celebrate with them when they are finished. 

The workouts are every bit as hard as they were the first day.  But as each day passes, we are all getting a little stronger.  We find ourselves smiling some during workouts.  Laughing, even.  And where the first week, as soon as we were done we all headed for our cars to recover, we have noticed that the recovery doesn't take as long, and we hang around and talk and discuss the evening.

The worst part of workouts (at least what I think of as the worst as I sit here in my warm chair cuddled up with my laptop, LOL), is the fact that they are being recorded.  Videoed.  Not even sure of the right word to use anymore!  Yes, we have a cameraman in our faces, recording every second of our misery.  Well, not every second, but several nights a week anyway.  I was scared to death to watch the video from the first week.  Because I knew he was in my face as I struggled with that bear crawl.  But I watched it.  And it made me cry.  And it made me mad.  And I wished I hadn't watched it.

Last night I watched the video from Week 2 and the one from Week 3.  And it made me sit back and really look at what I have accomplished the last few weeks.  The first week video made me ashamed and embarrassed...not only to be struggling so mightily, but to have gotten into the shape that I was in that made it necessary to be there on camera. The second and third videos were different though.  Was I still embarrassed?  Sure.  But I knew I would still be fat...that doesn't change in three weeks time.  And I still struggle every night with workouts.  That probably won't every change.  But I see the person in the newer videos differently.  I see a determination that wasn't there in the first video.  In the first video I looked lost, scared and uncertain.  In the newer videos, I look like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and that I know that and am fine with it.  And this is really how I feel.

I haven't mentioned much about my team, because I don't know that they would want me to go into much detail about them.  But I do want to say that they are the most amazing group of people that I have ever had the privilege of getting to know.  From watching previous seasons of EFM videos, I knew that we would become friends.  I had no idea just how close we would get, and how fast it would happen.  I truly love, admire and respect every single one of these people.  We are all so different, and yet we were brought together by the one thing that we all have in common ~ our weight/health.  And now we have two things in common...our weight/health and the fact that we are working our tails off to improve our weight/health! 

And I figure I will end by sharing how our first weigh in/body fat/measurements went.  In 3 weeks, I lost 10 pounds, 2.1% body fat and 16.75 inches!  Sam lost 21 pounds (OMG!), 1.2% body fat and 14.75 inches!  It's an amazing achievement, and while I can't yet see a difference in myself, the difference in Sam and in my teammates is astounding, and I am so excited to continue to see these changes in everyone.

And like my post title said...we have 3 weeks down, and the rest of our lives to go!!!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Extreme Fitness Makeover 2014 ~ Day 1

If you look back, you will see that my last post was over a year ago, and it was about a contest that I entered called the "Extreme Fitness Makeover."  Well, my husband and I both made it to the interview session of that, but neither was chosen.  

However.

Fast forward one year, and we applied again.  Knowing good and well that we wouldn't get chosen, but not being able to come up with any good reason NOT to apply.  We were called in for interviews again.  And unlike last year, this year, they chose both of us!  We are the first married couple to compete in the Extreme Fitness Makeover.  

We are required to blog about our experiences on the EFM FB page, and I will gladly do that.  However, as my past blog posts will show, I am very wordy.  I like to express myself.  Because of that, I am going to blog here about my experiences as well, and document them as detailed as possible so that I can come back and read about what we were going through once the 12 weeks is over.

We went in on Sunday to have our "before" pictures taken and for them to do our beginning weights and measurements.  That was painful.  Seriously.  Painful.  

Or so we thought.

Ya know, we knew it wasn't going to be easy.  That's a given.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, we would all be thin and healthy and there would be no reason for contests like "The Biggest Loser" and our "Extreme Fitness Makeover."  

But holy guacamole folks...never could I have expected last night.  So here it is.  In detail.  If you are in shape, you may laugh at this.  Just remember, this is a group of 10 obese, completely out of shape (I'm talking can't go up a flight of stairs without needing oxygen) people. (Some of us are old too, which doesn't help, LOL!)

We get there and are told to just walk the length of the gym warehouse to warm up.  It's maybe 75 yards, no big deal.  We walk it half a dozen times or so.  Then the trainers came in and had us run the length of the warehouse and come back to the middle...ok.  They immediately took us into jumping jacks.  Real jumping jacks with hand claps in the middle.  It was about this time that I looked at Sam and thought "what in the hell have I gotten myself into?  I can't get through the warm up!"  Went from jumping jacks into squats and lunges.

They then informed us that we are going to do a "Fit Test" that we will repeat in our 12th week to show how far we have come.  It is a list of exercises and we were to do each one for one minute each and record our reps.  

Here is a list of the exercises (though I don't remember the order they were in):

body weight squats
medicine ball slams
bicep curls
push ups
medicine ball crunches
tricep presses
medicine ball twists
steps (on step from step aerobics)

So they showed us the exercise and then timed us for a minute on each one.  We then had a short break while we wrote down our number of reps and got ready to go on the next one.  After we finished all of them ~ and was feeling really proud of ourselves I might add ~  they announced that it was time to do it for real...and we had to do a minute of each with a 15 second recovery in between (which was barely enough time to write down our reps).  By the end of this most of us couldn't breathe and a few were gagging a little into their puke bucket (they oh so generously provided us each one with our names on it).

While we were thinking our hour must almost be over and, if not, then it must be time for a short break, they were telling us what station we were headed to next and to HUSTLE.  So off we go to 4 more stations:  up and down stairs, flipping the ropes (don't know the official name of this), blood and guts and pushing the heavy dummies up and down the warehouse floor.

It was after I finished this circuit that I found myself unable to breath.  Probably because I was hyperventilating.  So one of the EMT's had to come help me calm my breathing down.  As I was doing this, everyone else was on all 4's doing a bear crawl across the floor.  By the time I got to the floor, they were finished and on the other side of the room.  I got down to get started and couldn't do it.  I could go one or two movements but then my body would just give up.  Seeing my struggle, two amazing ladies (one trainer, Tracy, one there for support, Amanda, and both of whom have been through EFM before) got on either side of me and started talking me through it.  Having me go just 5 hand movements at a time.  And I know that everyone says that it's your brain that gives out, not your body, but it damn sure felt like it was my body refusing to go any further.  At one point, Tracy looked at me with tears rolling down her face and told me that she knows how it feels.  She's been there.  And that's what helped me get to the end of the bear crawl.  Was it easy?  Not one second of it.  Did I finish it?  Yes, finally.  Was I proud?  No, but I should've been.  Instead I was embarrassed and ashamed that everyone else had done it without the struggle that I had.  

It was at this point (as I'm laid out in the floor beside a few other people) that our hour had come to an end.  I'm still not sure how that 8 hours of torture all managed to take place in the span of only one hour.  But it was finally over.  

Sam and I were walking out and it was cold and raining, but I don't know that it even registered with either of us.  As he walked ahead of me to the car I remember yelling at him "if I ever come up with an insane idea like this again, please just tell me to kiss your ass and remind me of how we feel right now!"  And then as I followed Sam to the car I started crying.  I don't know why I was crying, but I couldn't stop.  It wasn't tears of pain (because I was numb by that time).  Maybe it was stress.  Maybe it was relief that it was over.  Maybe it was how overwhelming the workout had been.  Maybe I was just furious with myself that I was in this situation in the first place.  I don't know.  But for the rest of the night, anytime I tried to talk about it, I cried.  It was so emotional, and yet I don't understand why just yet.

After everyone got home, we all started posting on FB about the experience.  My husband and several other contestants were so upbeat and posting things like "We got this!" and "Can't wait til tomorrow night!"  And I just sat there and felt worse and worse.  I don't know that I "got this" and I would rather chew my own arm off than go back tomorrow night.  Several others did their blog on the EFM page and were very thankful and nice and hopeful.  I chose to put off doing mine until this morning, hoping that I would feel better about the whole situation.  Guess what?  I didn't.  And I refused to sugarcoat it on my blog.  I want everyone to know the true emotions I am dealing with.

All day long I have dreaded having another workout tonight.  I don't want to go back.  I want to stay home, snuggle up with my kids and a book and a pizza.  But then I look in the mirror and know where doing that will get me.  And I know that I have to go back.  I know that eventually I will share the same hope and positive feelings as the other contestants and I look forward to it.  In the meantime, though, I don't have to be filled with the hope and positive feelings, I just have to show up and do it.  I have to do it to the best of my ability, and that's all they can ask from me.  OK, it's not all they can ask, but it's all I can give them.

I really do hope that I will come out of my workout tonight feeling proud.  Feeling like I've accomplished something.  I've got to learn how to get my mind where it needs to be, and once it gets there, I have no doubt that I will be halfway there!

To keep up with the EFM contestants on FB, please "like" the page HERE!