Tuesday, December 27, 2011

New Year, New Start, New Possibilities

Let's hear it for the New Year!

Yay, whoo-hoo, boo-yah!


For anyone who has anything about themselves that they dislike and would like to change, the New Year always brings with it a clean slate.  An entire year of possibilities and of believing that anything is possible.  We are leaving behind a year that, for many of us, held so much promise at the beginning and then slowly (or quickly!) went downhill.  We make our New Year's resolutions and decide to better ourselves.  And we do.  For a week.  Maybe two.  Some may make it a whole month.  But then life rears its ugly head ~ as life tends to do ~ and all of those positive thoughts of the possibilities of the upcoming days and months of the new year slide by the wayside.  Fast forward six months and those New Year's resolutions are long gone, out of mind and not to be thought of again...until the next New Year.

Guess what?  That's now.  The New Year begins in 5 short days.  How amazing is that?  Another clean slate.  Another year of possibilities.  Another year of believing that we can do anything and that anything is possible.  Just the idea of a New Year makes me smile.

But let's think about it now...what can we do to make certain that our resolutions to better ourselves don't fall by the wayside?

First of all, let's think in more specific terms.  This year I will not say that "I will lose weight."  This has been a resolution every year of my adult life and while, yes, some years I do lose weight, more years than not, my scale goes one direction ~ up.  So this year, I will make goals that are easier to understand and not as wide open.

Let's try it...this year I will:

  • I will exercise at least three days a week for at least 30 minutes.  This is good not only for weight loss but for every aspect of my health.
  • I will make water my drink of choice.  Like exercise, water will not only help with weight loss, but it will also be good for my skin, my organs and it will help wash other impurities out of my body.
  • Before I eat something questionable or not entirely healthy for me, I will ask myself  "will I regret this tomorrow?"  I know from experience that a year from now I will not regret choosing to not eat a roll with butter at a meal, but I will regret choosing TO eat it if it means that I end this year at the same weight or higher than I began it.
These are small things.  But these three small things can make a huge difference in every aspect of my life.  If I can go through this year keeping these three things in mind, I have no doubt that I will end the year 2012 much healthier ~ and smaller ~ than I am ending the year 2011.  

And it will be wonderful to end the year 2012 having lived the entire year proving to myself that I CAN do anything and that everything truly IS possible.  

Happy New Year!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

I made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!


100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds


100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.



99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.



98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.



97. To wear low waisted jeans.



96. To go jogging with my boys.



95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.



94. So my daughter will want to look like me.



93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.



92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.



91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.



90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.



89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.



88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.



87. So I don't get diabetes.



86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.



85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.



84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!



83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.



82. So I will want to have my picture taken.



81. So people will want to take my picture.



80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.



79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.



78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.



77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.



76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.



75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!



74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)



73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.



72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!



71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.



70. So I can turn cartwheels again.



69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.



68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.



67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.



66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.



65. To wear a bathing suit.



64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.



63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.



62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids



61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.



60. To run in a race.



59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.



58. Being able to keep up with other people.



57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)



56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.



55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .



54. So I can tuck in a shirt.



53. I want to feel stronger.



52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.



51. To sleep better.



50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.



49. Going for a run on a fall morning.



48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.



47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.



46. Seat belts will fit properly.



45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.



44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.



43. So I can ride a bike again.



42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.



41. Not being so hard to move.



40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”



39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.



38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.



37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.



36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.



35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.



34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.



33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.



32. To shop and cook healthier.



31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.



30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.



29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.



28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"



27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.



26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.



25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!



24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.



23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.



22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.



21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.



20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.



19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.



18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.



17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!



16. To finally wear shorts again.



15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.



14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.



13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.



12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.



11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.



10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.



9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.



8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.



7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.



6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.



5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).



4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.



3. I want to grow old with my husband.



2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!



1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Sucky McSuckerson

Yes, that's me.  In most areas of my life, I'm great.  In the weight loss portion, I'm Sucky McSuckerson.  Am I gaining?  No, not really.  But I'm not losing either.  Here I sit weighing about what I did this time last year.  That wouldn't be bad if I weren't the size of a beached whale.  OK, a baby beached whale, but you get my drift.

I have so many big dreams and ideas...I set goals of being below 200 pounds by (insert date here)...and then I do nothing about any of it.  I have wanted to become a zumba instructor for over a year, but want to get some weight off before I do it.  While I sat here doing nothing about it, my sister discovered zumba, got certified to instruct, has her own classes with a great following AND has lost weight (she was small to start with).  So what is it that makes some people have the get up and go to, well, get up and go and actually DO these thngs while I sit by and talk about them?  I'm so proud of my sister, and she is well on her way of hitting her weight loss goals.  While here I sit, biggest one by far in my family, struggling to make it through a single day of eating right?

My scale said 216 this morning.  That's terrible, but not as bad as the 256 it once said.  I cannot begin to express how exciting it would be to get out of the terrible 2's...and even knowing that as I do, why can't I do it?  I don't get it.  Truly I don't. 

I'm going to have to work toward that mindset again...baby steps, right?

Today I will:

*drink 32oz of water (still nowhere near enough, but more than the couple of oz I typically drink each day)
*journal my food
*get in 30 minutes of exercise (I will have time after I run out at lunch to go to the Y and walk on the treadmill before I pick the kids up...going to pack my clothes and try to absolutely force myself to go...once I go once it will get easier each time.)

And that's it for today.  I can do that, right? 

Yes, I can.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Rethinking Weight Loss

For years, I have always said that I was focusing on small goals instead of the huge, seemingly unattainable "goal" weight. I think, however, while I was saying my goal was to "lose 10 pounds", in the back of my mind I was still thinking "yeah, but what's 10 pounds when you have over 100 to lose?!"

I think, though, that I am slowly getting to where my mind is where it should be. I have complained lately that I have been stuck where I am for months...instead of thinking of that as a bad thing, I need to see that as a great thing ~ I have MAINTAINED A 40 POUND WEIGHT LOSS FOR A YEAR!! Have I lost much beyond that? Nope. But that's cause I haven't been working out or watching what I eat.

Two years ago, my only goal was to get below the weight I was when I stopped Thrive. That was about 35 pounds from where I started. I got there and passed it and am not maintaining about 6 pounds below that goal. I can tell that my body has grown comfortable at this weight, too, because I can no longer tell that I've lost weight, LOL...(did that make sense?!) Once I lost the 40 pounds, I could tell I had lost a little...but now I just feel fat again. I think that means it's time to go on to the next goal.

So I am going to type it here...it's not something I particularly want everyone to know, but I've not been one to avoid writing things here because I am embarrassed.

My next goal is:

GET BELOW 200 POUNDS!!

For a lot of people, just the thought of being above 200 pounds is unfathomable...for me, though, it's just been a fact of life. The last time I saw a weight starting with a "1" was in 2002, when my weight was on its way back UP from my stint with WW.

I weighed yesterday and weighed 215 pounds. That means I have to lose 16 pounds to get to a HUGE milestone goal for me. I am now realizing that once I get into the 190's, it's fine to stay there! I don't have to be thinking of losing the next 10 pounds or getting into the 180's...I can maintain the 190's for months if I want to. The 190's don't have to be a stepping stone to another goal if I don't want them to be...for now, it is just my goal. If I never get out of the 190's, I'll still be happy, because I won't be 256 ~ or even 215 ~ anymore.

I think that losing slowly has worked really well for me. It would be awesome to lose like they do on "Biggest Loser" and drop 100 pounds in 2 months, but I just know that is not something I could maintain. If I were to lose quickly, my body would not have time to learn what it needs to eat to stay there, and I would just gain as soon as I got out of "loss" mode. It's a lot easier to learn how to maintain every 15 pounds or so than to drop 100 pounds and have to figure out how to maintain a difference like that.

My starting weight was 256 pounds. I remember the day I stepped on the scale and saw that...my mind went straight to "I am closer to 300 pounds than 200 pounds. Oh my God, how did that happen?" And now, 2 years and 41 pounds later, I realize that since that day I have been working toward getting the weight off. And I'm doing it. It has taken me this long to realize it, and even now it is a shock to me...it's not coming off quickly, but it's coming off. I AM LOSING WEIGHT!

So here are my numbers:

Beginning weight: 256
Thrive ending weight: 221
Current weight: 215
Goal weight: 199

When will I get to that 199 goal? I'm not going to put a time limit on it, but I would like to be there by October, when we go to the beach. That would allow me to maintain over the holidays, which sounds good to me. :)


Saturday, June 25, 2011

Struggle...grumble...grumble...

Everytime I get in the "zone" and think that I am finally winning this battle, reaching the top of the hill, something happens and I find myself back down at the bottom, maybe even a little lower than where I started.

It really does suck, being fat. If I were happy being fat, that would be fine, but unfortunately, it's miserable. Not all the time, just some of the time. You know, the awake part. It is such a huge, all-consuming problem. One that so much of the time seems impossible to fight, much less win.

I have kept this blog, on and off, for several years, and yet here I am, probably the same size I was when I started it. I'm almost afraid to go back and check, for fear that I'm even bigger than I was!

Right now I have a few major issues. The first one being that I am baking again! Baking too much. Cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, pancakes...all stuff that I tell myself are for the kids (who don't need it either!), but I'm the one who ends up eating it! When I have crap around, I fall back into the sneaking food thing, which depresses me and makes me feel even worse, which makes me eat more crap. I swear that being fat/obese is a disease, because there are actions that I just cannot control. And it's scary! Some will say it's a matter of will power, but there is more to it than that, there is no doubt in my mind.

My second issue right now is exercise. Or not wanting to exercise. I know if I started again I'd be happy, but for now I don't WANT to get up in the morning and hit the Y. And that makes me mad too, LOL! I want to want to go, like I did when I first started working out. I got out of the habit when Sam had surgery and it's near impossible to get back into it.

I want to join WW again, but money prohibits it for now. Hoping I can in the near future...I do so love the meetings and the "me" time...it works for me too! And it's across the street from the Y, so I could work in a workout...hard to find an excuse when it's looking you in the face as you leave a weight loss meeting!

For now, though, small goals. I bought a new water bottle that holds 64oz. I am going to drink it every day this week. That may not sound like much, but for me, it would be a huge step in the right direction. And right now, every one of those steps are important.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A great giveaway!

Friends for Weightloss is having a great giveaway ~ they are giving 3 people the chance to win one of three great books: The Biggest Loser Weightloss Program, The Biggest Loser Family Cookbook or The Biggest Loser Fitness Book.

Any of these would be a great prize ~ we can all use a little help getting to where we want to be!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

fighting the frustration...

OK, when I get to the point that I am so frustrated I can't stand it, I have to step back and see the whole picture again. Over the last 2 years I have lost 43 pounds. V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y, but don't we always hear it's more likely to stay off if lost slowly? (at least I continually tell myself this!)

The last few weeks I have been doing a "Health Quest" at the local YMCA. I am down 5 pounds since the original weigh-in, but for some reason my scale at home is entirely different from the one at the Y. And I don't mean one weighs a particular amount higher or lower...it is just different every week! This morning I was down 2 pounds at home...ate nothing, did nothing, got to the Y and weighed and I was up 1. This is the most frustrating thing in the world! I don't mind a gain if I deserve it. I don't LIKE it, but I understand it and it pushes me to do better the next week. But when you have done good, your scale shows progress and then you get to the official WI and BAM, a gain, it is enough to piss me off and frustrate me good.

It's like my body just sets numbers that it refuses to go below...I will struggle for weeks or even months before it will finally decide to let go of a few pounds of fat. Then 5 pounds later, it will decide it doesn't want to budge again...I guess these are plateaus. (though I hate that word, LOL!) I just hate that I hit them so freakin often! It's not like I'm getting close to goal...I still have 65 pounds to get to my goal...I should be losing more than I am.

Again, big picture. As long as my weight, as a whole, is coming down, it's a good thing, right? Even at 20 pounds a year, I will eventually get down to a healthy weight. I just don't want to wait 3 more years!

My current plan is to take the course to become certified to teach zumba in June...I bet this will help me get the weight off!

Ah well...on to tomorrow I guess.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

I made this list several years ago, and I re-post it every so often when I need to see my original motivation in black and white. I have gotten more comments on my "100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds" than I have all of my other entries put together, so apparently many of you identify with at least a few of my reasons. I really needed this today, and for those of you who have as long a journey as I do, I hope maybe it will give you the motivation to keep going too! Feel free to comment and add your own reasons!!

100 Reasons to Lose 100 Pounds

100. I want to know what I look like with only one chin.
99. To not have to worry about whether I will fit in a booth at a restaurant.
98. So that I don't embarrass my children. School is hard enough without having a fat mom.
97. To wear low waisted jeans.
96. To go jogging with my boys.
95. So I never have to step foot in Lane Bryant again.
94. So my daughter will want to look like me.
93. So I never have to hear "you have such a pretty face..." again.
92. So no one will recognize me at my next high school reunion.
91. To not be the token fat chick in any given situation.
90. Because I want to live to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
89. So I never have to hear the term "morbidly obese" pertaining to myself.
88. So my clothes aren't so big they could double as a tent.
87. So I don't get diabetes.
86. I don't want to be the fattest person in my family anymore.
85. I want to buy clothes in a regular store.
84. I want to learn Victoria's Secret!
83. I want to like my outside as much as I like my inside.
82. So I will want to have my picture taken.
81. So people will want to take my picture.
80. To not worry if my shirt shows a bit of my stomach.
79. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror.
78. I want a regular bath towel to wrap around me comfortably.
77. I want to put on sweats and look cute instead of like nothing else would fit.
76. I want to be able to walk more than a block without getting winded.
75. I want to fit more comfortably behind the steering wheel. My legs are short so I have to be pulled way up!
74. So I can fit behind the desks in my kids' classroom. (right, Christina? LOL!)
73. So I can comfortably paint my toe nails.
72. So I can wrestle with my sons and not worry about squishing them!
71. I want to be able to slide on the enclosed slides on playgrounds.
70. So I can turn cartwheels again.
69. To be able to cross my legs comfortably.
68. To swing in a swing at a playground without the sides digging into my legs.
67. To wear boots that will zip over my calves.
66. To get a haircut without worrying if it will make my face look even fatter.
65. To wear a bathing suit.
64. To be able to tie my shoes without propping my foot up on something.
63. To meet someone new without being wary that they are thinking how disgusting I am.
62. To have enough energy to keep up with my kids
61. Being able to ride a roller coaster without worrying if the bar will fit.
60. To run in a race.
59. To see the shock on peoples’ faces when they see me after losing weight.
58. Being able to keep up with other people.
57. No more stares from strangers (or random comments)
56. Feeling brave enough to speak in front of people.
55. Go to an indoor rock climbing wall and fit in the harness thingy they strap to you .
54. So I can tuck in a shirt.
53. I want to feel stronger.
52. To give my family a fighting chance of not having the same health problems as me.
51. To sleep better.
50. Being able to sit on my husbands lap.
49. Going for a run on a fall morning.
48. So I can wear a button up shirt without worrying about gaps.
47. So people won’t ask me when my baby is due.
46. Seat belts will fit properly.
45. Movie theater seats will be more comfortable.
44. To not feel like thin/healthy people are better than me.
43. So I can ride a bike again.
42. Feeling comfortable speaking to people with out having to think about what they think about me.
41. Not being so hard to move.
40. Not being called “heavy set” or “large”
39. So I can wear a sleeveless shirt.
38. So I don’t have to struggle to get up out of the floor.
37. To show my kids how to eat healthy.
36. To show my kids that playing outside is more fun than playing on the Xbox.
35. Being confident to go after things I really want in life.
34. To help my kids grow up never having to know what it feels like to be fat.
33. Learning to control my emotions rather than eat them.
32. To shop and cook healthier.
31. So my hubby’s clothes are soooo big there is no way I can wear them.
30. So I don’t sweat and look like I’ve been swimming just from walking to the mailbox.
29. So that the floor in my mothers hall doesn't creak so loudly when I walk down it.
28. So that when we eat at a restaurant, the server doesn't automatically look at me and say "and what are we having for dessert?"
27. I want to be able to get a massage without being self-conscious.
26. So I can get a pedicure or manicure without being afraid that the technicians are talking about how big I am in their native language.
25. So that I can become a lifetime WW member and not have to pay for meetings anymore!
24. To step on the scale in the doctors office and not see them move the bar over to "200" automatically.
23. To have the energy to keep my house clean instead of just sitting on the couch.
22. So that I can wear the same clothes from one winter season to the next winter season.
21. To get up from the floor without grunting and grabbing a hold of something to pull myself up.
20. To determine that I do, in fact, have collarbones in there somewhere.
19. So that the inside thighs of blue jeans don't wear out before the rest of the jeans.
18. To be able to talk about wanting to run a 5K and not have people look at me the way they currently do.
17. So that the gowns at the hospital and doctors office fit me...and I only have to wear one!
16. To finally wear shorts again.
15. So I can shop in Old Navy stores instead of just online, which is the only place to buy their "plus" sized clothes.
14. To no longer have multiple "X's" on my clothing tags.
13. To not weigh the same as a 6'5 offensive lineman.
12. So that I don't weigh more than the men in my family...and they are NOT small men.
11. To jump on my husbands back without fearing I will break it.
10. So I don't have to constantly hold my stomach in so it doesn't stick out quite as far over my pants.
9. I don't want to feel like my family talks about my weight when I'm not around.
8. To wear cute, sexy Halloween costumes...when you are fat, you can be a witch or a cow.
7. So that when I sit down I don't automatically cross my arms and rest them on my stomach.
6. To be able to stand up and look straight down to see my toes or the numbers on the scale.
5. I want to feel comfortable to join a class (aerobics, belly dancing, etc).
4. I want to have awesome "before" and "after" pictures.
3. I want to grow old with my husband.
2. I want to show other overweight people that you CAN lose the weight...if I can do it anyone can!
1. For once in my life, I want to be a HOT CHICK!!!!!